Grotesque
by yellowmile
Summary: On that one fateful night, Clare Edwards life was changed forever. She is not the same person anymore. She lashes out on family and friends; wanting to be helped but feels there is no way. Will a certain green-eyed guy be able to save her?
1. Dead

**A/N: Hey! I hear have another story for you. I warn you, its another dark fic. Enjoy my lovely readers.:)**

**Before you read I want you guys to know that Darcy did not get raped in this story, she just decided to go to Kenya.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Rated M for: rape, abuse, course language.**

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Grotesque  
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"_As long as there is rape…there is not going to be any peace or justice or equality of freedom."-Andrea Dworkin_

Dead. That's how I feel. My insides are gone. Decayed and cold. My bones are chilled. My body is moving but I don't feel anything. I see the rain splattering down on the sidewalk, but I don't hear it. The sky is black. The moon nowhere to be seen. I should have never went to that party. I should've stayed home, crawled into bed and read a book with a steaming cup of tea. I look at my arms and see they are as pale as a ghost. The wrinkles in them, shrivelled like a wavy line. My ears finally decide to un mute themselves and every sound comes crashing down. The rain pelting on the ground. My feet running on the sidewalk. My frantic heartbeat, threatening to explode from my chest. My harboured breathing. But it's not good enough. I can't get away. I'm trapped. My breathing turns into gasps and my lungs start to burn as I sprint my way to my house.

When I stop in front of my house, I'm already beyond soaked. My hair is sticking to my face, as well as my clothes. I look at the outside of my house and it suddenly looks foreign. The outside traced with wood and brick. The front door coloured in dark mahogany. It felt as if I was about to walk in a strangers house. A house is supposed to shelter you. Make you feel safe. I don't feel safe at all. I feel exposed and nothing can help me.

I opened the door and stepped inside to the sounds of my parents screaming at each other.

"Randall I need you to understand!" yelled my mother from the kitchen.

"Understand what! You're the one being unreasonable." I used to cringe at the sound of my dad shouting, but now it hits me as a breath of air.

I slowly walked to the kitchen, not caring that I'm leaving a wet trail behind me, on the floor. I reached the archway and saw both of my parents standing across from each other with facial expressions full of hatred.

My mother scoffed. "I am not unreasonable!"

_Please._ "You know what. Just shut the _hell up _Helen!"

_Stop. _"Oh real mature, if I would've known…."

_It. _"…yeah well mayb-"

"STOP IT!" It took me a few minutes to realize it was my voice that screamed. My parents looked at me in shock. I have had it with my parents. Always fighting and yelling. Not realizing what's outside of their little bubble of war against each other. I both glared at them.

"Oh my god! Sweetie, you're all soaked what happened?" My moms voice sounded concerned for once. _Ha._

I didn't answer. I turned around and went towards the stairs. I ran up them and went in my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I heard silence. No movement. No talking. Nothing. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. _At least I'll have some peace._ I walked to my bathroom and stripped my wet clothes off. I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I don't look any different but I feel different.

I turn the faucet on in the tub and fill the scalding hot water to the brim before turning it off. I gently placed one foot in the tub and hissed at the sensation. I put the rest of my body in and rested the back of my neck at the back of the tub. I closed my eyes.

I've always felt that everything happens for a reason. But I don't understand why this would happen to me. I desperately searched through my brain, the last 15 years of my life to remember if I had done anything remotely worth deserving this. I don't remember doing anything extreme. I do remember lying to my parents about recieving an A on my math test when I initially gotten an A-. I remember when I was younger I would sneak into Darcy's room and try on her clothes. They were harmless wrong-doings.

I wonder if Alli knew I left. Wondered if she cared. She probably went off with a random guy and made-out with him in the closet, or the backseat of his car. I wondered if anyone noticed.

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"_Alli!" I whined. "Do we have to stay here." It was Friday night in the middle of August and Alli dragged me to Declan Coyne and Fiona Coynes' 'Big Summer Bash.' The title explains it all. I didn't want to come though, I wanted to avoid any contact or interaction with Declan. After I kissed his neck back in grade 9. There was no flames between us, but still being in his house flashes back to the extremely embarrassing memory._

_Alli rolled her brown eyes and gave me a look. "Clare. This party will help our statues in high school. We could become popular! Don't you want that?" Her eyes bugged out in irritation._

_It was my time to roll my eyes. Alli always found a way to try and become popular. She wants to be on the top. Frankly I believe the definition of the term 'popular' is non-existent. It is only used to describe people who flaunt themselves, for people to scare away or follow at their tail._

"_Alli. You know how ridiculous you sound right now." I said annoyed._

_Alli crossed her arms and put on her puppy-dog face that always wins me over. "Please Clare. This party is reeeaaalllly important to me." She pouted her lower lip to seal the deal._

_I sighed heavily in defeat and picked up and dropped my shoulders. "Okay fine." She started to squeal, when I raised a hand. "But. Only until 12:00. I still have curfew." I negotiated._

_She squealed and jumped up and down. She hugged me and kept excitedly saying the words, "Thank you! Thank you!." _

_She released me and trotted away. I stayed in the over-sized living room, trying to find someone I know through the big blur of people dancing. I decided to give up and take a seat on the couch. I looked to my left to see a big grandfather clock hung on the wall. I squinted my eyes to make out the time, but being in darkness and the only light is in the middle of the living room, its hard to make it out._

"_It's 8:00." Answered a deep voice from beside me._

_I looked to my right to see a tall guy standing in front of me holding a plastic cup. He was wearing blue jeans, a long sleeve brown shirt and black shoes. Most of his hair was hidden under a sideways cap, but from the looks of it, it was straight and black or dark brown._

"_Umm….thanks." I said wearily._

_He smiled gently and said, "Is this seat taken." He motioned to the empty spot on the couch, beside me._

_I shook my head "Go ahead."_

_He sat down and looked around the house. "I didn't even want to come here, but Johnny insisted on coming. Something about a girl he was once with." He babbled on._

_I snapped my head to the name Johnny. "Johnny? As in Johnny DiMarco?" I asked incredulously. _

_He looked towards me and smiled. "Yeah. That's him. He came hear to see ….."_

"_Alli." I finished for him. _

"_Yeah, you know her?" He asked interested. _

"_She's my best friend." I ground out. I looked forward and put my elbows on my legs and put my chin in my hands._

"_Oh, well that's…." He trailed off awkwardly. "So what's your name?"_

_I looked over to him to see a slight interest in his face. "Clare. My name is Clare." I told him, looking straight into his eyes._

_He smiled. Showing white pearly teeth. "Reese."_

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_**A/N: I know its probably boring right now but trust me it will get better. Reviews would be lovely.:)**_  
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	2. Sour Puss

**A/N:Hello! Thank you for the awesome reviews. It makes me want to continue. So I am. :) I'm going to try and make this story realistic. Enjoy my lovely readers.:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi  
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"_No!" shouted Reese, laughter dripping from his voice._

_I felt my face heat up and had the instinct to defend myself. "In my defense, I thought he was into it!"_

"_So….y-you kissed a guys neck….b-because you t-thought he was a v-vampire." He said between fits of laughter._

_I soon realized how funny the situation actually was and started to laugh as well. Reese and I have been talking for a couple of hours and I've never felt so normal. He was very easy to talk to and a very good listener. We would talk about random and pointless stuff. It made me feel that someone actually cared. Cared to listen._

_After the laughter died down, Reese gave me a curious look and said,_

"_You know I would never expect a girl like you to do that."_

_I crossed my arms and quirked a brow playfully, "like what?" My voice was mock defensive._

"_I don't know, just your presence. It has a certain… innocence about it." He finished with a click of his tongue._

"_Your not the first person who's said that before," I responded knowingly._

_He looked at me with an interested look. "Oh. Lets hear it." He urged playfully._

_I shook my head and smiled. "Nope. Lets talk about you."_

"_What would you like to know?"_

_I averted my gaze from him and went into deep thought. As soon as I thought of something I said, "Why are you hanging out with Johnny DiMarco. I mean he's bad news….and you seem the complete opposite."_

_He chuckled lightly, his brown eyes starting to twinkle. "Well," He looked down, "me and Johnny are pretty much alike but we do have certain differences about us." He answered softly._

_I looked at him and tried to compare him to Johnny, to find any common traits between them. Nothing._

"_Well, I don't see anything." I shrugged my shoulders._

_He looked back at me, his eyes and posture suddenly serious._

"_Listen, Johnny is a good guy. He's just been through a lot of shit through his life, don't burn him for trying to be a better person."_

"_I wasn't…" I trailed off, suddenly I felt guilty that I might of offended him._

"_It's alright. It's not you, but some people sure piss me off when they go on about him." He stated angrily._

_Suddenly wanting to cheer him up, I asked "You want to do something."_

_He suddenly smiled and he stood up, holding out a hand. "You want to do dance?"_

_I smiled back and stood up as well, taking his hand. "I would love to."_

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The sound of my alarm clock buzzing through my room woke me up. I didn't want to wake up. I just wanted to spend more time drowning into a big dark pool of nothingness. But I can't sleep. I have school. The first day of grade 10. I reluctantly got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom.

After finishing in the bathroom, I walked to my closet and picked out my outfit for the day. _This day is going to be….HELL._ I put on my blue skinny jeans, purple long sleeve top and black flats. I don't wear skirts anymore. I didn't bother putting make up on or fixing my hair. There was no reason to look good. I grabbed my bag and made my way downstairs. I faintly heard my mother say goodbye but I shut the door before I can hear anything else.

For these past few weeks I've barely spoken to my parents. They kept repeatedly asking me what happened _that_ night, but I would ignore them. I avoided any conversation that delt with that topic. I can't bring myself to think about it. I _won't_ bring myself to think about it.

As soon as I reached the steps of Degrassi, again another place that feels unfamiliar, I make my way inside. After receiving my schedule and locker number I make my way through the halls to my destination. On my way there I carefully avoid any attention drawn to me but I feel the stares burning through my sides and on my back. I look to my side to see Chantay Black whispering to Anya McPherson while looking towards me. I look to my other side to see Dave Turner shaking is head at me in disgust while Connor and Wesley stayed behind him like two lost puppies; there expressions unreadable.

I closed my eyes and opened them and looked straight ahead until I reached my locker. When I was twisting the lock I heard a familiar clinking of heels come up beside me…

"C-Clare?"

I look beside me to see a nervous looking Alli. She looked out of place, afraid what to say next. I turn back towards my locker, finally getting it open.

"Umm…I haven't seen you since the night of the party. Why haven't you returned any of my calls or texts?" She asked worriedly.

I mentally cringed at the word _party_, but simply shuffled my books into my locker, out of my bag.

"I've been busy," I answered emotionless.

Alli doesn't understand when someone wants to be left alone, she keeps nagging and nagging until you give into what she wants.

"Okay…well I really wanted to talk to you about what happened that night….Johnny showed u-"

I slammed my locker door shut and gave her a look of anger.

"You know what _Alli._ I don't care. I don't give a _shit _what happened between you and Johnny and I don't give a _fuck_ if you were worried about me. You're always self-absorbed and never know when to quit harassing people….well I've had _enough._ Leave me the_ fuck _alone!" I snapped, venom dripping from my voice.

Everyone walking around my locker stopped and stared at Alli and I. They're probably thinking _little ol'saint Clare just cursed, or oh shit! What just happened?_ I didn't dare look at anyone else. I turned around and headed to my class, leaving a teary-eyed Alli left behind. Tears of my own started stinging in my eyes and instead of heading to class I dashed for the bathroom, ignoring the gawking stares of students around me. I ran to one of the stalls and sat on the ground, bringing my knees up to my chest, I started to sob uncontrollably. Anger and guilt rolled in my stomach, for treating Alli that way._ I love you Alli. With all my heart but it's better this way. Trust me. I'm sorry. _

I stayed in the bathroom the whole period and went to class at the start of second. My face went back to its normal pale self when I exited the bathroom. People must of forgot about my outburst because everyone was roaming around the halls, talking with each other about random things. I entered advanced English and sat at the back corner.

After what _happened _I can't be out in the open with people. I need to be hidden. It comforts me. Soon the classroom was flooding with students. A guy wearing all black with dark brown hair sat in front of me. I shuffled my desk back a few feet. The guy in front of me either didn't hear the desk move or chosen to ignore it. Either way I was safe and content to being by myself.

Ms. Dawes stood behind her desk with a huge smile on her face.

"Hello class welcome to grade 10 advanced English. Now…"

I tuned out after that. Haunted memories started to flood through my mind. _Don't Clare. _I needed a distraction. Anything. Or I'm going….

"…..Clare Edwards." announced Mrs. Dawes.

I snapped my head toward the front of the class.

"What?"

The guy in front of me turned around as soon as I spoken. His green eyes were a bright green. His mouth was slanted in a smirk.

"She said, we are English partners." He answered amused.

I looked at him. His lips were shaped perfectly; full and plump. His cheek bones and jaw line were perfectly sculpted. His piercing green eyes brightened the whole room. I hated him. A handsome face lies nothing but danger and darkness.

I looked down at my hands on my desk. From the corner of my eye, I saw he was still looking at me. He was waiting for an answer.

"Well you already know my name…" I mumbled.

I just wanted him to turn around, but he wouldn't budge.

"Eli." He stated. He turned back around in his seat.

At lunch time, people were still staring at me when I passed by. Not that I cared but I don't understand what I did that made me suddenly the hottest topic for gossip at Degrassi. I just ignored it and went through the rest of the day ignoring anyone who talked or tried to show any contact with me.

When I was walking home I saw a car slow down beside me. No wait. It wasn't a car. It was a hearse. The driver's window was rolled down and popped….Eli.

"Hey. Do you want a ride?" He asked as he droved slowly beside me.

I look forward, avoiding any eye-contact with him. "Do you do that often?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Offer rides to strangers." I murmured.

"We aren't strangers. We met each other today in class and we are partners. We have to get to know each other sometime." He explained.

"I don't want to get to know anyone." I responded bitterly.

"Oh come on. Don't be a _sour puss_." He said jokingly.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him in disbelief.

"Did you just say _sour puss_?"

He stopped his car and smirked at me. I shook my head and started walking again.

"So I'll take that as a no to the ride?" He started his car again.

I didn't say anything. I kept walking. He sped his car away down the road and I watched. Why hasn't he warded off from me? I don't want to be around people. Especially around boys.

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**A/N:So...review?**


	3. Scream

**A/N:Hello. Thank you for the wonderful reviews. I hope you like this chapter:)**

**Disclaimer:I do not own Degrassi.**

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I walk down the halls of Degrassi. Another day ahead, and I just want it to be over. I had another nightmare last night. Their becoming really vivid. It's scaring me. I don't know what to do. I just wish I could forget. Like nothing ever happened.

I walk towards my locker when I hear whispering around me. I ignore it, but again, like yesterday, I feel people staring at me. I turn my head around and see people scurrying away at the sight of me. I make it to my locker when I hear an annoying, cheery voice from behind.

"Hey Clare-Bear." yelled Jenna.

I groan. Jenna Middleton is the stereotypical blonde. Dumb as a bat, fake and captain of the spirit squad. She was a friend once, until her true colours showed.

Jenna leaned against the locker beside me, her puggy face smiling. I ignore her and just focus on getting my books for class.

"Oh Clare-bear, ignoring me. Now is that anyway to treat a friend." she pouted.

"We _aren't_ friends Jenna. So unless you tell me what you want I suggest you get the _hell _away from me." I turned to her and gave her a deadly look.

She sighed over-dramatically. "Fine, I just wanted to know if it was true."

I arched an eyebrow and gave her a questioning look. "If _what wa_s true?"

She looked around before leaning in closer. "At Declan and Fiona's party, during the summer."

My heart started to pound. The room was spinning, my palms were sweaty. "What about the….party?"

She huffed in annoyance. "You know. You and…_Reese_."

I dropped my books. The world was definitely spinning in high speed. I need to get out of here. I grab my books and stuff them in my bag.

"Whoa, slow down Clare." Hollered Jenna

I don't hear her. I need to get away, before my brain manifests _his _presence. _His _intentions. _That_ night. The blood is pounding in my ears as I run down the hallway. I didn't care if people gawked at me or stared in confusion. I see the exit near the end of the school, relieved I'm so close to my escape. But I bump into someone on the way, almost falling over. An arm in black grabs my elbow from falling. I look up and become greeted with green eyes. He looks at me with worry.

"Umm…are you alright."

I pant as I say, "I need to get out of here."

He looks at me for a second, then turns toward the exit. I look after him as he opens the door and waits for me. I bolt to the door and we both leave the school.

As we drive in Eli's hearse, I don't know where he's taking me. I don't know why I went with him. I don't know what his intentions are, but for some reason I feel free. I felt suffocated back at the school and to be able to escape that, helped me calm down. He's silent as I look out the window. We haven't said a word since we left the school. To be honest, I'm glad. There's a comfortable silence in the car, to help me sort out my mind. I don't understand how Jenna found out what happened, or at least what she _thought _had happened. _He_ doesn't even go to my school.

"Do you mind if we go to the park?" asked Eli.

I forgot that he was in the car. I looked back at Eli, to see his eyes on the road but I could tell he was waiting for an answer.

"Uhh….yeah…sure." I mumble as I look back out the window.

He suddenly stops and gets out of the car. I get out as well and look around. There is a huge field with a playground with a few benches along the trees. People are around, either talking on the phone or walking their dogs. I walk towards a bench. Eli sits down beside me.

"So….are you going to say why you felt the need to ditch?" Eli asked casually.

I look into his eyes. His expression is unreadable, but deep inside his eyes, I see a hint of…..concern?

I looked down at a leaf fallen from the tree ahead. It was blowing away with the wind. I wish I was the leaf at this moment.

"Rumours going around…." I whisper.

"Figures." He muttered.

I snapped my head to him. My eyes narrowed. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" I didn't mean my voice to sound harsh but he doesn't know anything about what happened.

He scoffed. "You care too much about what people think." He looked straight ahead.

Furry ran through me. What the hell does he know! I was going to tell him off but the words wouldn't come, so instead I said, "That is _not _true!"

He still looked straight ahead. "Then prove it." He looked back at me. "Scream. At the top of your lungs."

I looked at him in disbelief. _Is he really serious right now?_ His waiting face proved to be yes. I looked at the park and all the people.

A small scream came up my throat, making it sound low.

He looked at me and smirked. "That's the best you can do?"

Okay that is it. I jumped off the bench and screamed at the top of my lungs. It felt good. Amazing. As if I was letting out all my nerves and anger and pain from that night. After I stopped, I noticed that people were staring. I didn't care. I felt great. For once in these past couple of months. I felt…alive.

I looked back at Eli to see an impressed look on his face.

"Okay." I said, "Your turn."

He smirked "Yeah….not my style." He got up.

"What?"

He started walking backwards. "It's not."

I walked forward. "No you have to do it." I laughed as I cornered him up against a tree.

He laughed as well as I tripped and he grabbed my wrists. I stopped and looked into his eyes. He stopped and looked into mine as well. His eyes were so mesmerizing. But his hands….they were holding my wrists. Memories flooded through my mind. I yanked my wrists back and tried to steady myself.

Eli cleared his throat. "We should probably get going."

I nodded but looked away. "Can you take me home?"

"Sure."

Once Eli pulled up to my house, I looked over to him.

"Umm….thanks." I whispered.

He smirked. "No problem."

I ran up to my house once I exited his car. I opened the door, and leaned against it once closed. _What. The. Hell._

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_**A/N:Review?**_  
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	4. Sociopathic

**Sorry for the late update guys, but if you read my other stories then you know the reason why. Thank you for the reviews last chapter. It makes me happy that you guys are still interested in this story. I'm trying to take this on an emotional level before things get really intense. Anyways enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: I do no own Degrassi.**

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Waking up the next morning, I feel sick. I feel dizzy, my skin feels clammy and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I walk to my bathroom and look in the mirror. I look more paler than usual-if that was even possible. I filled up the tub with water and climbed in.

I felt a little better after cleaning up but I still feel a little dizzy. I ignore it and make my way to school. Eli was on my mind all night. Replaying what happened yesterday at the park. Why did Eli thought I cared what people think? _Because you do._ Why did I feel need to prove him wrong._ It's in your instinct. _For some reason he made me forget about everything when we were at the park, until physical contact came into view and everything came rushing back. I'll never be able to get over this. Or be the same.

Walking into the school, my dizziness was starting to pick up. I tried my best to ignore it but it was starting to get in the way. I remembered I needed to go to ' room to find out what I missed in class yesterday. The room was empty except a familiar figure dressed in black. I walked in and had to hold a desk to steady my walking. Eli heard me and turned around.

"Hey, you here to pick up homework too?" he said as he walked up to me.

Words wouldn't come out of my mouth so I nodded.

Eli gave me a once-over and asked, "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

I swallowed. The room was definitely spinning now. My vision was seeing double. I faintly heard Eli say my name before everything went black.

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"_Is she okay?"_

"_Please Mr. Goldsworthy, give her some room."_

"_Look Nurse, I think there something wrong here, maybe she should go to the doctor."_

"_Mr. Goldsworthy I know what I'm doing, just wait until-"_

"_Hey! She's waking up."_

My head was pounding as I tried my best to open my heavy lidded-eyes. After successfully opening them, I was awakened to a wrinkled brown-haired nurse and Eli starring down at me. I felt that I was laying down on a soft bed. I sat up slowly. Everything was still, but nausea was still hanging at the bottom of my throat. I closed and opened my eyes once more.

"Miss. Edwards. Are you okay?" asked the wrinkled nurse.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

I looked over to see Eli, with his hands in his pockets. Trying to seem as casual as possible. He was looking down at the ground.

"Has this been happening recently?"

I looked back at the school nurse. "No, only this morning."

She nodded. I noticed a brown clipboard in one hand while a pen in the other. I'm guessing she's writing down her observations.

"Okay well, take some _Tylenol _for the fainting. Is there anything else that's bothering you?"

I shook my head. "No. Can I go now?"

She nodded as I hopped off the bed.

"So, how are you feeling?" asked Eli.

"That's basically the same question the nurse just asked me."

He chuckled. "I guess so. Well we better-"

"Eli? What are you doing here man?"

I looked behind me to see a pale boy with girlish features, with brown hair. Wearing a beanie. He was holding an ice bag to his right elbow.

"Clare here, almost died on me." He cried sarcastically.

I looked back at Eli and said, "Ha ha."

He smirked in return and turned back to the boy. "What happened to you?"

The boy looked at the ice. "Oh this. I was just…I banged my elbow into an opened locker." He explained nervously.

Eli raised an eyebrow. "You got _that_ hurt from an opened _locker_?"

The boy nodded.

Eli shook his head. "Adam you need to be more coordinated man."

"Yeah I know." He turned towards me. "I'm guessing you're the Clare that almost died."

"The one and only."

He smiled. "I'm Adam."

"Nice to meet you." I turned to Eli. "I better get to class. See you later." I averted my eyes downward as I left the nurses office.

What the hell is happening to me? I still feel weak. I just want to sleep. I could feel tears weld up in my eyes and I don't know why. I wasn't watching where I was going because soon I collided with a broad chest, falling flat on my butt.

"Oh my god Clare! I am so sorry."

K.C.

"It's okay." I rejected his offering hand and stood up.

I dated K.C. back in ninth grade. Back when I was a nerd. Back when I was… _clean. _K.C. and I had a light relationship. One that involved small kisses and walks to _The Dot_. I really liked him. He was my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. I thought our relationship meant something, and it was, until the next best thing came along; a blonde bimbo. Jenna. I haven't spoken to K.C. since we broke up. He hurt me._Bad._ Though I got over it.

K.C. just stood there awkwardly. "Listen. I know we left things off on a bad note last year but I was wondering…."

I walked away. I don't need him to try to be my friend again. Just so he could stop feeling bad about him self. Fuck him.

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"Alright class today I want you and your partner to pick a movie and watch it. Then I want you to write review and summary of the movie you've chosen from _each_ partner. When you're done that, go over each review and summary with each partner and combine them together. I want the assignment due on Monday." Said Ms. Dawes as she sat down behind her desk.

Eli turned around his desk. "So partner, what movie do you want to review?"

"I don't care."

He put his hand under his chin and looked like he was in deep thought. "Okay, how about…._Fight Club._"

"_Fight Club_?"

"Yeah, its based on the book by Chuck Palahniuk."

"Yeah I know. It's one of my favourite books."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I find his characters to be a little sociopathic."

"But to be a good right writer, you need some damage to drawn."

I shrugged. "I guess so."

He smirked. "Fight Club it is."

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**Review?**


	5. Purity Ring

**Hey! I have an update although...I was a little disappointed by the lack of reviews for last chapter. I don't expect a lot but I really want to know if people still like my story. I know its a slow pace but things WILL get INTENSE. It just takes some time. I promise you guys won't see it coming. So here's the chapter my lovely readers.:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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Weak.

That's how I feel. I thought I would feel better after my little black out this morning, but I feel worse. I'm dead tired, I just want to crawl in my bed and forget everything in the world. I can dream back when I was in grade 9, when things were… _good. _I just wish this summer didn't happen. That I didn't let Alli take me to places that I felt were _bad._ That I wasn't forgotten by parents because of their constant fighting. I've always believed in God, but I feel like I've must of done _something _to deserve this. I don't hate him. I never will. Although I feel like I _betrayed _him. I've never took off my purity ring since I was 10, but wearing it know…was a complete lie.

I'm not pure anymore.

I slip off the silver band and hide it in my bag. I walk to my locker and put away my books. It's after school and I have to watch that movie for |English. I'm not looking forward to it. I love the book but, watching a movie is not going to help my lack of energy.

"Hey."

I looked beside me to see Eli leaning against the locker beside mine.

"Hi." I closed my locker door and turned to him.

"Listen I think we should watch the movie at your house tonight."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why my house? Better yet, why together?"

He pushed himself off the locker and started walking, with me beside him. "Well we _are_ English partners. It would be more easier if we both watch it together, then we could both work on the reviews together. You know, give each other advice."

My parents are at work and they won't be back until late so maybe…._Wait! Alone in a house….with a boy._ I can't do that. It's not safe. Although Eli does seem pretty harmless. I mean if anything happens I could yell or call 911. There is a phone in every room in the house. There won't be loud music to cover my screams…..

"Yeah sure, but I don't have the movie…."

"Already have it. I'll drop by your house at 4." he went out the school doors and walked through the parking lot.

I made my way outside and walked down the sidewalk.

xXx

_**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!**_

I jumped at the sound of the door. _4:00 _already. I went downstairs and opened the door. Eli was holding the DVD in his hands. I ushered him in and closed the door.

"Nice place." he complimented as he went into the living room.

I pulled the DVD out of his hands and placed it in the DVD player. Once I turned around I sat on the couch beside Eli.

"Where's your ring?"

I snapped my head towards him in reflex. It took me a few moments to register his words in my brain. _My ring? He noticed? Does he know it's a purity ring? _I stared at my bare finger for a moment before responding,

"I lost it."

I looked at his face to notice that he knew I was lying, but his expression was blank. "Well maybe you left it at school. You were wearing it this morning."

I crossed my arms over my chest, hiding my hand. "Maybe." I mumbled.

The opening credits were rolling on the television. I stay silent as the movie progresses. I scoot over to the edge of the couch, as far away from Eli as possible. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them. I don't feel any different then being in a class full of people, with Eli and me only here. I don't feel safe, but I don't feel in danger. I just feel normal, as if this is a regular thing.

I'm not normal.

There is nothing normal about me anymore. I don't have any friends, That was my decision. I try to ignore any contact that comes my way, but somehow Eli can overlook that. _Eli._

What was he?

Was he a friend or just an English partner. I hope it's not the first one. I can't afford to have someone be caught up in my problems. It would be selfish. Even though Eli is not your average guy, I couldn't imagine him handling the fact of who I am. What I did.

It's too much to handle for anyone.

I could feel Eli glance over at me a few times during the movie. Maybe he thinks I'm getting bored. To be honest I wasn't really paying attention to the movie. My eyes were growing heavy and my mind was blacking out. I couldn't keep my eyes opened any longer. I fluttered them closed and welcomed the relaxing darkness.

"Clare?…Clare?"

I felt the soft shaking of hands as I stirred in my sleep. I notice I was leaning on something hard. I wrapped my arm around the hard surface and snuggled in more, ignoring the sound interrupting my sleep.

"Wake up Clare."

I slowly opened my eyes to snap at the reason for awaking me from the most peaceful sleep I've had in days. I looked around my surroundings and noticed my arm wrapped around a black clothed chest. I turned my head up and saw Eli staring down at me. My head was propped on his shoulder. I jumped away from his figure to the far end of the couch. _How did I get there? _

Eli looked startled by my sudden action. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, "You fell asleep at the beginning of the movie. I didn't want to wake you up."

I looked down at my hands. "Sorry I fell asleep." I mumbled.

"It's alright, the books better then the movie anyways. Always is." He smirked.

I smiled a small smile. He is right. The book is always better. I noticed him move and reach towards me. His hand was outstretched to my right ear. I climbed off the couch before he could touch me.

"So thanks for coming." I crossed my arms over my chest.

He looked at me before he got up. "There's a fluff in her hair."

I swiped at my hair rapidly. |Feeling the fluff in my hands from the right side of my head. He started walking towards the door.

"Wait. Your movie." I went to the DVD player.

"Keep it. You can bring it back on Monday. See you around." he said without turning around.

I dropped to the floor when I heard the door close. I crawled into a fetal position. Tears dropped from my eyes.

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**There is a reason why Clare is over-tired and fainted. You'll just have to find out why...**


	6. Positive or Negative

**Thank you for the reviews for last chapter. This is one of my favourite stories I like to write, and I'm glad people like it:) Here's the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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**

A sharp twist in my stomach wakes me up from sleep. I noticed its morning. Great. Another Monday. Another day of school. I plop back down the bed, but the sharp pain in my stomach comes back. I gasp, as I get out of bed. I clutch my stomach. Nauseas starts surfacing up my throat. I run to my bathroom, going on my knees. I release the nausea in to the bowl, feeling shaken by doing it. Tears fall down my eyes as I finish throwing up.

I flush the toilet and wipe the tears away, leaning against the wall._ Morning sickness. Fainting. Tired. No. No. No._ I refuse to think the words. There's no way. I'm even on my period…..Wait. No, I'm not. I jump off the floor and go back to my room. I rip the calendar off my wall. It's the 13th. I usually get my period on the 6th. The 6th was last…..Monday. _A week late_. I throw the calendar on the floor and run back to the bathroom.

No. It's not true. Menstruation sometimes skips cycles. That _has _to be it. If it isn't I could just ignore it. No, I can't do that. I don't know why people ignore things. Maybe when you pretend it's not there, it feels as if it never existed. I wish it was that simple for this.

If this means I'm…it means _he_ is the…I can't think that word either. If I think of those words, it will feel too real. As if this is not some nightmare I'm about to wake up from. It can't be though, he used protection. I closed my eyes to block the world from moving. I open them and look in my mirror. I lift up my shirt and place a hand on my stomach. Its still flat like it was yesterday and the day before…

_Could there really be someone in there?_

I slowly walk back to bed. I pull the covers up to my neck and close my eyes, suddenly feeling cold. If I am…my parents will hate me. Probably kick me out. Being Christian, it would frown upon in Church. I have no friends, so I wouldn't have to worry about them reacting.

"_You care too much about what people think."_

Why did he have to come in my thoughts right now. At one point or another, he always ends up in my mind and I'm sick of it.

"Clare, honey, it's time to get ready for school," echoes my moms voice from the hall.

I shift to my side. I am not going to school today.

I hear my door creak open. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"Mom, I don't feel so well. Can I stay home today?" I didn't look at her face.

Silence erupted the air as I waited for her answer. Finally after a few minutes she says, "Sure, do you want anything? Gingerale? Soup?"

"No. I just want to lay down."

"Okay. Your father's at work already. I'm going to be leaving in a few minutes. Feel better sweetie." Then the door closed, leaving me to consume in the welcoming quiet.

**xXx**

Walking in the pharmacy, I feel the lingering stares from behind me from the elderly people. Wondering what a 15 year old is doing in a pharmacy, going to the feminine aisle. Thy probably do know. They know, I'm just another messed up teen that couldn't use protection probably. That I take pregnancy lightly and I should keep my hormones in check. Ha. Some people can be so stupid.

I stop in front of them. Some say _94.9% _or_ 98.7% _, but none say _100% _positive. I choose the one closest to 100 and pick it up. The object feels heavy in my hands. As if I'm about to collapse under its weight, since I'm already collapsing under it emotionally. I look at for a moment. _This is really happening?_

I start to feel warm as I feel someone going down the aisle. I clutch the test and sharply turn down the aisle, coming in contact with a chest, flying backwards before landing on my butt on the floor. The test was out of my hands. I look for it as I see shoes. I notice tampons are on the floor. _Oh good. Just another female. _I pick up the test and noticed the familiar figure.

"Adam?"

_What is he doing here? Why does he have tampons?_

"Hey Clare." He got up after retrieving the tampons. We stood in front of each other awkwardly. "What are you doing here?" He said.

He looked down at the test. I waited for his eyes to bug out, or his jaw to drop, but he didn't. He just looked back into my eyes with a blank expression.

"This is for my sister." I covered quickly. "She was too embarrassed to come and get it herself." Even I wasn't convinced by the lie.

I looked down for a few moments before running past him. I turned out of the aisle and past the cashier, out the door. I faintly heard the cashier and Adam speaking.

"Miss, get back here you forgot to-"

"Sir, it's alright. I'll.."

I didn't hear anything else after that. I ran the rest of the way home. Adam knows. What if he tells…Eli. For some reason, Eli can _never_ know about this. Ever. Just the thought of him finding out, ran spikes through me. He wouldn't understand. No one will.

**xXx**

I wait for a few minutes before I take the test. I remember watching the commercials on TV that promote these things. Never took interest. Never thought I would need them at such a young age. It was just apart of a background noise when I would wait for a show to come back on.

Now it's here. Right in front of me. In reaching distance.

I take the test, and wait. For 2 minutes, the test will show a negative sign or a positive sign. If the test comes out negative….false alarm. If it's positive….._pregnant._

The word doesn't feel anymore dreadful than the whole situation. It's just another piece added to the already ruined predicament. Hardly visible.

2 minutes later.

The moment of truth comes. I take the plastic piece of stick in my hand and look.

_Negative._

Why don't I feel relieved? Like a huge wait has been lifted from my shoulders. I should be screaming and jumping for joy, but I just stand there with the stick still in my hand. I may not be pregnant, but I still experienced that night.

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**Reviews would be lovely.:)**


	7. Comfortable

**I know I haven't updated in forever and I am really sorry. But I've been having really personal issues going on that I couldn't bring myself to write. I don't know when I will write again. I'll be updating my other stories soon, but I probably won't be updating weekly. At least not until I'm 100% okay. Sorry. Here's the next chapter and thank you for the reviews.:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

Back to a few hours of sleep. That sounds like a normal night for me. One day I'm going to stay home and catch up on sleep. That sounds like an unrealistic fantasy, but I can always hope. I have to go to school today. I must've missed a lot yesterday. I really don't care. I can just catch up at lunch.

I shove the covers down and got out of bed. I went straight to the bathroom, to feel something dripping in between my legs. I pull down my pants and notice I've finally have Mother Nature's gift for the month. _Great._

After washing up and getting dressed, I felt dizzy again this morning. Nausea was deep in my throat but I hold it in. I my not be pregnant but there still is something wrong. I will just have to go to the doctors today.

While walking to school this morning, I see people happily walking down the streets. From couples holding hands to kids playing soccer. Their lives seem content. Happy. They don't realize that at any moment all that could be ripped away. To have their safe, happy, and content lives be simply shattered into a million pieces and there is nothing they can do to fix it. Or cope with it. In a way I hate them. I can never have something like that ever again. I could never go back in time and fix what happened. All I could do is move forward and forget. Which is complete bull whoever came up with that statement. No one can ever move forward and forget. It will _always _haunt you.

When I reach my locker, I stop thinking about what could've happened. How my life would be at this second if that night didn't happen. I think about now. About school. About what's going to happen. If I don't, I will go insane.

"So where were _you _yesterday?"

I jumped at the sound of Eli's voice. I turn to see him leaning against the locker beside mine with his hands in his pockets.

I look at him for a few minutes before answering. "I was sick."

"Oh so you weren't skipping. Bravo." He mocked while clapping.

I closed my locker shut. "Is there a reason why you're at my locker?"

He smirked. "There is actually. You didn't finish your part of the movie review."

_Oh_. "I forgot. Sorry. I'll go explain to -"

"Got it covered. We _both _handed in our review."

My eyebrows scrunched together. "Then why did you tell me I didn't finish it?"

He just smirked in response before heading down the hallway. I shook my head before going in the opposite direction.

**xXx**

I pulled out my book and flipped the page open. I haven't read recreationally in awhile and thought it might help me relax.

I felt some movement beside me on the picnic bench, but I was too intrigued to move my eyes from the book. I then felt someone sit beside me. I lifted my eyes and noticed a ring clad hand was placed on the table. I slowly moved my gaze to the figure and internally groaned.

"What are you doing here?" I asked irritated.

He pulled out an apple form his bag and rubbed it on his shirt before taking a bite out of it. He chewed before responding,

"I'm eating lunch. I didn't know it was that _hard_ to understand."

I just looked at him with a blank expression.

"Why are you _really _here?"

He opened his mouth when someone spoken for him.

"Hey guys."

Yesterday flashed through my mind. Me. Pregnancy test. Adam. Tampons.

"Hey man what's up?" Eli said.

I slowly turned to Adam to see his face was conflicted looking. He looked lost and uncertain. It was sad in a way. I wonder what really happened with him yesterday.

"I need to talk to you."

I took that as a sign from God and quickly packed my things, almost fleeing from the scene.

"No. I want you to hear this too Clare."

I froze. I looked back to Adam and saw his eyes begging me to stay. I dropped my stuff and turned my full attention towards him. He smiled faintly in return before looking over to Eli. He sat down on the bench across from Eli and I.

"Okay. I'm a guy. A hundred percent dude." He paused, looking down at his hands. "But I was born….in a girls body."

Silence.

It took me a minute to register the words in my brain. _Adam was born a girl?_ The situation was heart-breaking. There are tragic things that goes through a humans' life. But this…Adam has to go through this every single day for the rest of his life. Having your own body betray you…..Is the most tragic situation to ever occur. I suddenly felt angry for letting little stuff get to me. There are worse things that go on in life. This being one of them.

Adam kept his eyes glued to the table. I wanted to reach out and make him feel better. To tell him he has friends to help him through this. But the I realized either me nor Eli has said a word since he told us. I looked back at Eli. His face was deep in thought.

I suddenly felt worried for Adam. Surely he cares if Eli will accept him or not. He's been longer friends with Eli then he was with me. Were we even friends? I wasn't even sure what Eli and I were. English partners as far as I'm concerned.

I still waited for Eli to say something. Any sign of anger or disgust.

"Cool." He enunciated.

I felt a smile spread over my face. He looked towards me before back at Adam.

"So how long have you've known?" He asked.

"Since I was 4...5," Adam said, "I hate wearing dresses and having really long hair."

"Wow." Eli said. "Hold the phone, does this mean I can't let one rip in front of you?"

Me and Adam busted into laughter.

"Eli I would be insulted if you didn't." Adam smiled.

Eli pounded fists with Adam before they buzzed into conversation about comic books.

Adam must go through Hell everyday. But for him to have a supporting friend, I know he will be okay. That things will get better for him. Even though the guys are both talking about something I have no idea about, I feel wanted in their group. As if I'm apart of it. For once in a long time. I feel comfortable.

Most through lunch, Eli and Adam were talking about comic books while I watched them with curiosity. I've never seen them this excited about something before. It was a little entertaining.

"Okay, I have to go. Library awaits for a project." Eli said.

He got up form the bench and grabbed his bag. "See you guys later." He looked to both Adam and I.

I watched him walk up the steps before turning back to Adam.

"Listen I know the test wasn't for your sister. But you don't have to tell me what happened. I just want you to know, I'm here if you need me." Adam whispered.

I stared at him for a few minutes. "Thanks, but I don't need any help. I'm fine." I replied stiffly.

"I'm sorry if it's a sore subject-"

"What does it matter anyway? It's not like I really care."

"You may not care, but Eli does." He argued.

My face went in confusion. "Eli? What does it matter to him?"

"Yesterday he was worried about you. He kept wondering where you were?"

I don't understand why he would care anyways. We're just English partners. "Why would Eli care what happens to me? I don't even know him that well." I justified.

"It's right there in front of you. How can you not notice?"

Okay I was full on flustered. What is he talking about? "Now I am completely lost."

He shook his head and smiled. "You'll find out eventually."

He got up and went back inside the school.

**xXx**

For the rest of the day, Adam's choice of words have been surfing through my brain. I couldn't understand what he meant by Eli worrying about me. Or how I don't even notice what is right in front of me. This situation has me completely flustered, and I don't like it.

A petite body crushed into mine, almost making me fall over, but I steadied myself before I fell to the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry Clare."

_Alli._ I haven't spoken to her since I lashed out on her last week. I still feel really awful and I miss her terribly, but I couldn't look at her without that night flashing through my mind like a scanner. It was just too much to handle.

"It's okay." I mumbled, walking past her.

She tugged on my arm. "Wait."

I stiffly turned to face her. Her eyes were filled with sadness and pleading. It took me a moment to realize what she was wearing. A pair of jeans and a white blouse shirt that wasn't revealing. Paired with flats. This was something different, compared to her usual attire of mini skirts, tank tops, and stilettos. Her make up was less than usual. She would always have it caked on, making her natural beauty fade with more make up that covered her face.

"I really miss you, could we please talk." she begged.

I closed my eyes, trying to make this situation as easy I could make it. "No."

"But why? I miss you. Why can't we just go back to the way we where-"

"Because Alli." My voice raised. "This summer, a lot of things happened... Things that you were apart of. And I can't…be around you the same way. I'm sorry."

She narrowed her eyes. "You know what Clare, I've tried and it just shows that your too pathetic to put in any effort in this friendship. Have a nice life." She turned on her heel and walked the opposite direction.

Another piece added to my destroyed life. _Losing a best friend_. I blink back the tears that threaten to fall down my face and head to my locker.


	8. Beautiful

**Hey! Even though I haven't received many reviews from last chapter...I thank you. This story is just starting to kick off, so if you are one of the people who are reading it..enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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I walked to my locker, Eli was already waiting for me. I'm sensing this to be a routine in the future. One I have to stop before it does. A smirk was plastered on his face, which only meant one thing: I owe him. He still hasn't told me what it was, but I have a feeling he's about to. And I also have a feeling, that I'm not going to like it.

"Okay, tell me exactly what you want." I said, putting the books in my locker.

"Go to the movies with me."

The books dropped from my hands as the sentence filled my ears. I picked them up and shoved them in my locker. I closed the locker before turning back to Eli. His eyebrows were raised as he waited for my answer.

"Why do you need me to go?" I asked.

""Cause, Adam doesn't want to go and you owe me. Remember the English assignment….." He trailed off as did his eyes. They landed on the floor as he waited.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay. What's the movie about?"

We started walking outside of the school while he thought of a response. "It's a horror flick. But his it has different twists to it. It's supposed to be epic."

Great. A horror movie. They are the worst movies known to man. Every time I would sit through one, I would jump, scream or close my eyes every two seconds. And now, having Eli there beside me while we watch it, I know that if I come off scared or freaked out, he will mock me for the rest of my life. Which is exactly what I need. Not.

"Fine."

* * *

We were sliding into our seats when the theatre darkened. Eli picked me up a few hours after school and drove us to the theatre. The car ride was quiet, but not awkward. I'm glad that we both don't need to try and fill the void with nonsense chatter. I hope this movie turns out alright, but when the screen showed this was an _R _rating, I gulped inaudibly.

I felt Eli's hand rest on the hand rest. I kept my arms close to myself as the movie started to play. During the first half hour, two people were already brutally killed. I almost threw up from the scene, but I just clasped my hands together and concentrated on my breathing. I would glance over at Eli every now and then, to make sure he was still there.

During the next hour, I was starting to be intrigued with the movie. It wasn't just about a murderer killing everyone, it also had a girl who was in love, but she found out the murder used to be her ex-lover and has been targeting her all along. When the murderer caught up to her, I prepared myself for her to be killed, but something much….much worse was being shown.

I felt the blood drain from my face as the scene unfolded in front of my eyes. The man was tearing her clothes apart, kissing her, feeling her…my breathing started to race, my palms started to sweat. That night, viscously ripped through my mind, having every detail surfacing through my brain, making me feel dizzy. I had to get out of there. I jumped up and quickly walked out of the aisle to the door.

When I was in the lobby, I bolted to the door, desperately needing air. I took in a deep breath as the evening breeze brushed on my face. It felt like I was back there. Back in that night. It felt as if it was happening to me all over again and no one wanted to help me. I pressed my back against the wall and closed my eyes..

"Are you okay?"

Eli's voice felt like it was miles away, but naturally, only a few feet. I nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment to form coherent thoughts. I slowly opened my eyes and moved them over to a concerned Eli.

"I'm fine, just that movie….was…."

"Terrible? I know. I didn't even know that was going to happen. Stupid fuckers," he muttered under his breath.

A laugh escaped my mouth, having Eli look over to me in alarm. The laugh bubbled fully out, making me laugh so loud, I can hear it echo through the air. I don't know why I was exactly, but Eli's sentence just had me almost on the ground. Eli looked at me weirdly before a smirk was placed on his lips.

We left after that, not seeing any point to finish the movie. I was grateful, but didn't voice that out loud. This time, the drive was quite funny. Eli and I would have random and weird conversations. The kind that are light and have no meaning at all, but fun all together. It helped. A lot. It took my mind off what happened in the theatre.

Before I knew it, we were pulled up in front of my house. Eli looked over to me as I looked over to him. It was now that I realized how beautiful he was. His perfect angled jaw, his luscious lips, and his beautiful green orbs, reflected from the moon. I bit my lip as I felt the heat rush up to my face. Thank god I was in the dark.

He leaned over to me, and I stiffened. He pushed back my bangs and looked into my eyes. I was getting uncomfortable of our proximity, but I didn't move away.

"You have pretty eyes," he complimented.

"Thanks," I squeaked.

He chuckled softly before brushing his lips on my cheek. I was surprised when I didn't move away. His lips were so soft on my skin. It left a tingling sensation when his lips departed. I licked my lips and opened the car door.

"See you later," I said as I got out.

"Bye."

He drove off then, leaving me watch his car fade away into the dark. I walked to my door and stopped. I raised my hand to my cheek where his lips just touched moments before.


	9. Exhaustion

**Wow, I updated! The only reason I didn't update this story was because of others I've been working on, but I decided to give you guys another chapter because I loved the reviews I received from last chapter. I'm glad you guys like it. Enjoy the chapter my lovely readers:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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_The beat of the music was starting to make my body move on its own. I grabbed Reese's hand as we stood in the middle of the room, bodies surrounding us as they danced to the music. Reese twirled me around with our intertwined hands over my head. I giggled and started to sway my hip as we faced each other. I released my hand from him and brought my hands over my head, and closed my eyes, the music intoxicating me._

_I gasped quietly when I felt two hands rest on my hips. I opened my eyes and was welcomed with his chocolate brown eyes. I bit my lip softly as I slowly placed my hands on his shoulders and returned to dancing. Our bodies still had a gap between us but it was closing each time my hips jerked to match the rhythm. He moved his hands to the small of my back and gave me a soft smile._

_I smiled in return and suddenly heard the music shift to a slow melody. I still wanted to dance even if it was a slow song, but I didn't know if Reese still wanted to. But when he slowly moved us in circles, I knew he didn't mind. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and felt relaxed by his slow and patient movements. I don't know how long we danced for but I didn't care. I was enjoying this night. For the first time in a while, I actually felt elated and had no problems on my shoulders._

_It was kind of ridiculous that I felt an odd connection to a boy I only met hours ago, but he was so easy to be around and our light hearted conversations was something I really need. I don't have that with anyone, not even Alli, which reminds me, I wonder where she is. But Alli seems so far away at the moment, everyone does. Its as if Reese and I were in our own little world and no one could interrupt it._

"_Clare?"_

_I looked up and noticed that we stopped dancing._

"_Sorry, how long have we stopped?" I looked around and saw many people grinding against and erotic beat that took over the house._

"_A few minutes, you seemed to be lost in your thoughts to notice," he laughed._

_I blushed, and unwound myself from him. I still wanted to hang out with him but I didn't have an idea on what to so next._

"_What do you want to do now?" I asked._

_He looked around the room and I saw his eyes flicker but it was gone before I could comprehend. _

"_Why don't we go tour the rooms upstairs. This place is huge and it would probably be like a little adventure. What do you say?" He grinned with excitement._

_I laughed at his enthusiasm before nodding. "Yes! Let's do it."_

_He held out his hand and I took it gleefully as we passed through the crowd and ran up the stairs, disappearing from every other person._

_._

_.  
_

"Okay, so Hitler started WWII and he became the dictator of Germany?" Adam explained, looking to me so I can correct him whether he was wrong or not.

I nodded for the umpteenth time. "Adam you'll do fine. You pretty much have this test in the bag."

Adam nervously fixed his beanie as we walked down the halls. "I hope so," he muttered.

I smiled at his nervousness and thought of how good friends we became. I mean, I still keep my space from people including him and Eli but it felt nice to have people you could escape to. To just feel like you don't have to worry about reality. I've managed to have that with both Eli and Adam, especially Eli. Its been exactly a week since the movie night and Eli and I haven't spoken of what happened once. It was as if we ignored that night ever existed and just went back to being friends. However, I can't keep that kiss on the cheek out of my head. I still receive butterflies at the thought of it, which makes me mad because I could feel something shifting between us, something that can shift to dangerous territory.

We made it to my locker and Eli was already waiting for us, the smirk already on his face. I mentally rolled my eyes at how cocky he could be sometimes.

"So, how are you two this fine morning?" Eli said, smugness in his voice.

I placed my books in my locker while responding with, "good."

"Not good! We have a history test on WWII this morning and I'm freaking out," Adam said frantically as he rummaged through his binder to get in a last few minutes of studying.

"Dude, just remember that an Ostrich started WWI and you'll do fine," Eli chuckled

I closed my locker and saw Adam's face turn pale and his eyes widened. I smacked Eli's arm as I glared at him.

"Don't scare him, he's already as nervous as it is," I warned.

Eli feigned shock and held his arm in mock pain. "Ouch Edwards, that hurt."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.

"Oh man, I forgot my text book in my locker. I'll see you in class Clare," Adam said as he turned back down that hallway.

"So, you wanna hang out after school?" Eli asked.

I looked back to him and saw the hesitant look on his face. He knew I wasn't a very social person and didn't want to push me, but I actually did want to hang out with him, it wouldn't be too bad. But I can't because I just remembered that I made a doctors appointment last week, because I've still been feeling sick. My stomach still hurts and the dizziness and exhaustion would come each morning.

"I can't. I have a doctors appointment after school," I said.

Eli's eyes showed concern and worry. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Its just when I felt sick last week, I'm going to find out what it is exactly."

"Let me take you," he said abruptly.

I raised my eyebrows. Is he serious right now? "I don't think that's such a good idea…."

I looked down and felt a cold hand touch my arm, making me jerk back from the physical contact. Eli held his hands up in defense.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want you to go by yourself is all," he said, while digging his hands in his pockets.

"Why?"

"Just please….Clare." His green eyes pierced through mine and I've never seen him betray such an emotion. It made my skin crawl, but not in a bad way.

"Okay," I said quietly.

He nodded and a grin spread on his face, instantly forgetting the emotional looking boy that I witnessed moments before. He walked past me down the hall and I tried to clear my mind from the rushing thoughts that started to invade it.

.

.

We were in the hearse and on the way to the doctors office. All day, I kept replaying the look Eli gave me this morning and couldn't understand what it meant. Did he really care about me? Then that made me remember what Adam said to me a week ago: _You may not care, but Eli does._ I glanced over at Eli, his eyes were on the road and his hands on the wheel casually. I turned to look out the window and tried to understand what _this _was. We were friends, I guess, but every time I'm with him, there is something different, something that I could never thought I could feel with someone. And that scares me.

We parked in the parking lot and went in the building. Eli took a seat in the waiting room while I went to the receptionists desk.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Gainer, I'm Clare Edwards." I said, handing the woman my health card and other information.

The woman typed on her computer before smiling and giving me back my information. "Here you go honey, the Doctor will see you shortly, just take a seat and we'll call you."

"Thank you."

I took a seat next to Eli and twiddled my fingers together. I was a little nervous and Eli being here made it the situation all the more nerve racking. I mean, I was really grateful that he drove me here but he doesn't know what has been going with me. Heck, I didn't even know.

"Clare Edwards?"

I lifted my head to the woman standing at the door with a clipboard in her hand. I looked at Eli and he gave me a small smile before I stood up and went through the door, following the woman. The room was white and cold; uninviting. I took a seat and waited for the doctor to come in.

"Clare, good to see you, how are things?" said Dr. Gainer as he walked inside the room.

"Fine, just a little sick," I said, suddenly feeling my body drain. I yawned quietly and felt a chill run down my spine.

"Tell me what has been hurting lately." He took a seat across from me, pen and clipboard in hand.

I told him how I've been feeling nauseous and dizzy lately and how my body felt very weak. Also I told him how I've been feeling very drained and all I wanted to do was sleep most of the time.

He jotted down a few things before looking back to me, analyzing my appearance. "Clare, is there anything that happened recently that could've cause this, maybe some stress?"

I gulped and looked away. It couldn't be because of what happened…no. I refuse to believe it, because then it would feel too real. I need to forget that this ever happened. It was probably just stress from school-yeah…that's it.

"Maybe school," I lied easily.

"Hmm, from what you've told me, it seems that you are emotionally exhausted and I would be careful with stress because it could lead to bigger problems," he said, his hands on his lap.

"So what do you suggest," I said, my eyes becoming droopy, another yawn surfacing.

He laughed softly. "Gets some sleep. Lot's of it. You should feel better in a few weeks. If anything else happens, come back here right away." He stood up and opened the door.

I thanked him and hazily walked back to the waiting room. My legs felt heavy and my whole body felt like it was about to shut down.

Everything felt like a blur afterwards, Eli drove me home and I fell asleep on the way there. I vaguely remember him picking me up and bringing me in my house. I didn't bother telling him to get out when he placed me in my bed and sat beside me. I cuddled in my pillow but tried to open my eyes.

"Thank you Eli.." I mumbled.

"Anytime," he whispered.

Before the darkness consumed me again, I felt a soft brush of lips on my for head and the shifting of someone's weight. My hands subconsciously searched for Eli, but his spot was empty.


	10. Confused

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

It was Friday evening and I was waiting for Eli to pick me up to take us to Adam's for a movie night. The idea at first didn't sound appealing but I did want to hang out with them, they are pretty funny guys, especially when they both talk about comics to each other. I rolled my eyes at the thought and proceeded to grab a sweater from my closet. A knock on my door made me jump but I beckoned the person in. I was still in my closet when I heard the door close. When I walked out, with a blue sweater in hand, I saw my mom sitting on my bed.

"Hey sweetie," she said in a gentle voice.

"Hey," I said, tugging my sweater on.

My mom sighed and I noticed she looked confused or lost. This was confusing because I've never seen my mom like this before. She's always kept a strong head on her shoulders, including when she fights with dad.

"Listen, Clare, I know you want to forget about this, but we still need to talk about what happened that night," she said hesitantly.

"There's nothing to talk about," I clipped, my face my blank from all emotion.

It makes me mad that I can't sleep well at night. It makes me mad that my parents fight. But, what makes me _pissed_ is that my mom addresses something that happened over a month ago so abruptly. After all this time, she wants to talk about it. Why now? There is a reason why I avoid the subject, can't she get that through her head.

"_Clare_, I'm concerned about you. That night when you came through that door, I didn't recognize my daughter at all," she stared into my eyes, and I waned to cuss her out.

I laughed harshly. "I didn't know that you recognized me at all during the day," I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Excuse me? Don't you dare speak to me that way," she scolded.

"Well can you blame me?" I said, my anger appearing. "Every single day, you and dad fight. Do you realize how that affects everyone, including me? Then you come up here and start attacking me about a night that had over a month ago, I fine this highly unfair when you won't even stop and look around to see the damage you are _both _causing."

My mom's eyes widened until they downcast to the floor. I suddenly felt the guilt creeping in, but I ignore it. She looked back up to me, and her eyes were glassy and sadness portrayed them. I took in a deep breath, trying the relax the new emotions going through me from this talk. The knock on a door downstairs brought me out of the heated environment and I walked over to my door.

"I'm going to a friends house," I said cautiously, gauging my mom's expression.

My mother placed a fake smile on her face; forgetting anything happened.

"Have fun, I love you," she said quietly, as I went out my door.

"I love you too," I whispered outside the door, blinking back the tears.

Eli was at the door, like I expected, and we were on our way to Adams house. He could probably sense that I was upset, since I was silent the whole time and looking out the window. He didn't bother me. Good.

Adam answered the door almost immediately once we were at his door step. His face was flushed and a smile took over his features as he was panted for breath.

"You look like you just ran a marathon," Eli said as we walked in the living room.

"I was out in the backyard, my mom made me clean up after she left," Adam said, plopping down on the couch beside us.

I had my knees up to my chest as I stared blankly ahead, my mind still fresh from that conversation I just had with my mother. Eli and Adam were on with side of me, talking animatedly about comic books.

"Clare?"

I looked over to Adam, his face analyzing my expression, making me feel slightly exposed.

"Yeah," I said.

"What movie do you want to watch? Comedy, action, horror?" He said, already walking over to his cabinet which held the DVDs.

"I don't care," I mumbled.

Adam's head tilted, as if in deep thought before he snapped his fingers and looked in the cabinet. I suddenly felt a pair of eyes on me and I slowly tilted my head to the side and wasn't surprised that Eli was staring at me. His green eyes were giving that stare that he has been showing to me recently. It was as if he was trying to drawl out my hidden problems. It was if he knew there was something wrong and he was waiting for me to tell him. I quickly looked away; his gaze burning a hole through me.

"Okay! We are watching comedy, then action, then horror," Adam beamed after he placed a movie in and took a seat beside me.

As the movie rolled on, I found my mind drifting away from my mother and settle in a calm state. During the course of the movie, there would be a few laughs from the guys at a certain part and there would be slaps on the shoulders from me when they commented on mature parts.

"That movie…oh man….that was something," Eli chuckled.

Adam hummed in agreement before replacing the movie with another one. When Adam was walking back to the couch, the door swung open and in came a guy with brown spiky hair and blue eyes. I've seen him around school, I think he was on the football team.

"Hey, man. What cha doing?" The boy addressed the question to Adam but his eyes were on Eli and I.

"Dew, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be with Alli?" Adam said annoyed.

A sharp pain went through my stomach at the mention of Alli. _Alli. _God, I missed her so much. I missed our talks about boys, parents and school. The way how we were complete opposites but turned our different personalities into one, strong, friendship, at least, it was strong at one point. But now, we were complete strangers. I didn't even know that Alli had a new boyfriend.

"We're meeting up later, which reminds me why I'm here. I'm going to bring some of mom's wine to a party that's down the block." Drew said, walking past us and going in the kitchen.

Adam rolled his eyes. "If mom catches you, I have nothing to do with this!" he yelled after Drew.

Drew emerged from the kitchen, a bottle of wine in his hand and a grin on his face. "Bro, stop worrying. Now, you guys want to come too? K.C. said to bring anyone."

I felt myself froze and my heart stop beating from the invitation. I could fee myself reliving that night, over and over again. I squeezed my eyes shut, in hope to stop the memories flooding through my mind.

"Party? I don't know. It's up to you guys." Adam's voice echoed through my ears.

I snapped open my eyes, reality setting back in. I hastily got off the couch and shook my head. "N-No, no, I….just _no_." I probably sounded insane or nervous but I couldn't help it, there is no way I am going to a party.

Eli stood up beside me while Drew and Adam were looking at me confusedly.

"Clare, are you okay?" Adam asked cautiously.

"I'm not going to the party. You guys can go, but I won't," I snapped, finalizing my decision.

"But-" Adam started, but was cut off by Eli.

"Adam," was all he said, and I turned to Eli in surprise.

He was giving Adam a look that caused Adam to not usher another word. Eli flashed his eyes to me knowingly and I wondered for a moment: _Did he know?_

I suddenly felt the toll of the situation and realized how idiotic I must look. I excused my self and went upstairs; almost running to the bathroom. I closed the door and sunk to the ground once I entered. My mind wasn't in tone to what I was feeling. It was running the memories as if on auto pilot, without anymore remorse that it was hurting me. My emotions were running high, my body was shaking, my eyes were tearing. Can't this just go away? I'm such a mess. One little thing can set me off.

I sighed shakily; trying to calm down. I need to forget. That will make it all better. If I just forget and put my focus elsewhere. Just then, green eyes flickered in my mind, breaking the pile of memories and overpowering all of my thoughts. What is he doing to me? Every time I'm near him, he shows so many different sides to him. One minute, he's smug and sarcastic, and the next, he's quiet and caring. He's so confusing.

I need to straight everything out. I get up off the floor and stand in front of the mirror. My appearance looks foreign. It's like I was looking at a different person. I'm paler then before; my skin taking a more sickly white then the creamy colour it was once before. My lips were thin and cracked. Bags were under my eyes and my irises were dull, the once clear blue only a faint sight.

I left the bathroom and went down the stairs. Drew was gone. Eli and Adam were sitting on the couch, staring at the blank T.V. I walked over to sit beside them, and told them I was okay. They both nodded and Adam turned on the television. Adam might've bought my lie but I knew Eli didn't.

.

.

I felt myself stirring, my body on top of another's, but I was too lazy to care. This position was strangely comfortable, even if I had no idea how I ended up this way. I groggily opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I was still in Adam's house and I noticed the foggy grey light shine through the curtains; causing the ray of light to land on the carpet. My body was stiff as my eyes averted to the ground and saw Adam sleeping on the floor. He was snoring lightly and his hat was barely on his head.

I smiled warmly before resting my head on the thing underneath me. When I heard a heartbeat under my left ear, I almost jumped off the couch, but instead, I lifted my head and saw Eli lying underneath me, his head rested on the arm rest while sleeping. I suddenly felt the two arms that were wrapped around my back and took note that I slept on top of him all night. _How the heck did that happen?_

I tried to pull out of Eli's grasp but he tightened his hold on me, causing me to crash on his chest. His eyes snapped opened immediately and a small blush crept on my face.

"Uhhh…..what happened?" Eli asked, sleep evident in his voice.

"I don't know," I replied honestly.

His arms released me and I hurriedly got off the couch; fixing any disarrayed clothing. I poked Adam's back with my foot and he muttered to leave him alone.

"Adam," I whispered, poking him with more force this time.

He shot up from the ground and I stumbled back in surprise. "Calm down, its only me," I reassured, noting how disoriented he looked.

Adam rubbed his hands over his eyes before yawning. "What time is it?" He stretched over to the clock placed on the far side wall. "8:00? Why the hell am I up this early on a Saturday?" he complained before he stood up on his feet.

"Dude," Eli said. "What happened last night?"

"We watched movies and you two fell asleep," he replied nonchalantly.

"What?" I yelled. "You knew all along and you didn't wake us up. Adam, I wasn't supposed to sleep over! My mom is going to kill me."

Adam's eyes widened at my outburst before scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "You guys were long gone, I didn't want to wake you," he said sheepishly.

"Good job, Adam," Eli said, sarcasm evident in his voice.

Adam scoffed. "Its not like you didn't enjoy it." He crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow addressed to Eli.

"Shut up," Eli snapped. "I'll drive you home, Clare."

I nodded my head, my mind still sleepy. I said goodbye to Adam and Eli told me he'd meet in the hearse. I waited patiently as I twiddle my thumbs together and bit my lip anxiously. _I hope mom doesn't get too upset._ When he finally exited the house, he put his keys in the ignition hastily before driving away.

The ride was silent; full of awkward tension. I looked out the window the whole time, my eyes took note that today will be a cloudy day. _Great._

The car suddenly stopped and I unbuckled my seatbelt. I turned to Eli and he looked back at me. I bit my lip; suddenly an idea popping in my mind.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded and felt my heart start to pick up its pace as I leaned over and ghosted my lips over his cheek. I felt Eli's breath hitch as my lips brushed his cheek softly, making my heart pound in my ears. I pulled back and saw his face twisted in surprise; his lips slightly parted.

"Thank you, Eli," I breathed, a small smile on my lips as I left the car.

I watched him drive away and tried to control my racing heart.


	11. Crash

**Thanks for the reviews! I hope you guys like this chapter! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

I looked up at the stars, the cool night air stinging my cheeks. I sprawled my legs to the bottom of the hood and felt the peace of the park make me calm. I looked over to Eli and he too, was looking at the stars, his hands spread over his stomach while one leg was bent. I couldn't help the smile creep on my face by just looking at him. He doesn't know this-but he helped me. I was living in my mistakes and I was living in that horrific night. I was going insane when I pushed people away. Self destruction was consuming me and I couldn't help but want it. I am disgusting and a terrible person. I pushed people away and kept to myself, but he always found a way to talk to me. He never gave up. And I'm glad he didn't.

Because if he didn't, I don't know where I would be right now. The darkness was overpowering everything in my life and the light was fading away. But he was the light, and I grabbed on to him, the brightness starting to demolish the black. These past couple of months have been bearable because of him and I couldn't stop the feelings that I developed towards him.

"What are you staring at?" he said amused, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"N-Nothing," I blushed, sitting up on the hood and facing him. He followed suit and smiled, making my heart flutter. _The things he does to me._

"Clare," his eyes looked into mine intently and he suddenly looked nervous. He licked his lips and moved his bangs away from his face. "I..I like you, a lot."

My eyes widened and I felt my heart start beating rapidly. I've been waiting for him to say those words for the longest time. Now, that he has, I can finally tell him how I really feel.

"I like you, too," I said shyly, looking down at my legs.

He smiled before moving closer to me, our faces inches away. "Can I…kiss you…?"

My heart stopped and I noticed the sincerity in his green eyes. I bit my lip and started to feel dizzy. We've kissed each other on the cheeks multiple times, but _this _was different. If I let him kiss me, everything is going to change. But I did want to kiss him, I've been thinking about it for awhile and I think I was ready for it.

I nodded, words not able to come out of my mouth. He took in a deep breath and slowly started to lean in. I leaned in just as our lips were centimetres away. Our lips then touched, his soft ones moving over mine. I felt my heart explode from my chest as I tilted my head to the side and moved my lips in sync with his. He moved his lips gently, as if he didn't want to hurt me. We both released after a moment but we were still close to each other. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me.

"What happens now?" I whispered, interrupting the silence that was among us.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes piercing through mine.

I felt the blush cascade over my face as I tried to find the right words. "W-What are we?"

His lips parted and he pondered, and the look made my stomach flop. Different questions ran through my mind:_ Does he regret it? Am I pressuring him? _I anxiously looked at him and wanted to know. I _needed _to know.

"I don't know," he replied honestly.

I sighed in relief, my stomach starting to calm from the back flips. His response was kind of what I was aiming for, because in reality, I don't know if I was ready for an official relationship. I liked him and my feelings for him are more then friendship, but I didn't want to take things too fast. Not until I was absolutely ready.

I drew in a breath closed my eyes. "Hold me?" I said shakily.

He wrapped his arms around me and laid us down. He shielded me and I placed my small hands on his chest as I rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and just relished the feeling that for once, I felt safe.

.

.

I clutched my books together as I walked down the hall, on my way to my last class. Eli wasn't here today but that was okay. I needed time to think after the kiss we shared. It's been three days since I saw him and this Monday already felt like it was going slower. I'll probably visit him later or call, because there was only so long I can take without any contact with him.

I've become attached.

I can't help it. He was different and he made me feel special. He made me feel _wanted_. Everything about him made me cope with the-

"Clare!"

I turned around and saw Adam running up to me, a flustered look on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked concerned as he stopped in front of me.

He nodded. "Yeah, just had to get away from some people. But don't mind me," he waved his hand dismissively. "Where's Eli?"

I frowned that he wanted to ignore the fact that the bullies were after him again. But I knew, that if I brought it up, it would make him upset. So, instead, I said, "He's not here today. Haven't seen him all day."

"Damn it!" he muttered. "Oh, well. I just needed to talk to him about this one comic he lent me. Anyways," he said while we walked down the hall. "How was your weekend? Oh wait, I _think _I may have an idea," Adam smiled knowingly at me and I felt my stomach drop.

"W-What do you m-mean?" I stammered, trying to hide the bush that threatened to escape.

"Oh, please," he said sarcastically, "You should've seen the state you put that boy in. Yesterday, when he came to my house, he had this stupid grin on his face the whole time, and his whole presence was radiating: _happy._ It was kind of creepy and shocking," Adam shook his head as if a shudder ran down his spine.

"Really?" I said hopefully, processing the words he said.

Adam nodded grudgingly. "The boy is love struck. What happened between you two?"

I looked at his curious face and wondered if I was allowed to say anything. "Did he tell you anything?"

He shook his head. "He wouldn't budge. But I know _something _happened."

"Well," I cleared my throat. "We…kissed."

I gauged Adam's expression and he tilted his head as he looked forward. "Its about time!" he enthused, a smile on his face.

That's when it dawned on me:

"_You may not care, but Eli does," he argued._

_My face went in confusion. "Eli? What does it matter to him?"_

"_Yesterday, he was worried about you. He kept wondering where you were."_

_I don't understand why he would care anyways. We're just English partners. "Why would Eli care what happens to me? I don't even know him that well," I justified._

"_It's right there in front of you. How can you not notice?"_

_Okay I was full on flustered. What is he talking about? "Now I am completely lost."_

_He shook his head and smiled. "You'll find out eventually."_

Adam knew. He knew all along that Eli liked me. How could I not notice this? I looked at Adam and he still had that smile on his face.

"Listen," he said before I can say anything. "I got to get to class, but I'll see you later," he waved before turning a corner.

I let out a small laugh before entering my last period. Mr. Armstrong was already at the board, writing out today's math equations. I quickly took out my notebook and scrolled the equations down for homework. I needed to get an A on the next test.

"Okay class," said Mr. Armstrong. "Before I teach today's lesson, there is a new student that will be joining us."

I kept my eyes on my book and still wrote but I could hear the door knock.

"Ah, that must be him," Mr. Armstrong exclaimed as he opened the door. "Well, class welcome…I'm sorry son, what's your name again?"

Just then, I looked up to the front of the class and dropped my pencil. I felt my blood run cold as my eyes locked with a pair of brown eyes, eyes that haunted my dreams, eyes that I never wanted to see again. I froze when he flashed a smile to me, causing my breathing to stop.

"Reese," he answered, still staring at me. "Reese Hunter."


	12. Destroyed

**Thank you for the reviews! Now, this chapter may seem boring but its necessary and you WILL NOT want to miss the next chapter. It's about to get more INTENSE. So, I hope you enjoy this one. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

_Just shove your books in your locker, then leave. Don't pause until you are out of the school_. I kept repeating the thought in my head as I opened my locker and shakily tried to calm my nerves. I needed to get out of here before _he _found me. Before he corners me, _again. _My heart rate picked up as I realized that this was real, this was real and there was no way out.

I closed my locker and stood cold in my spot when _he _was right there, towering in front of me with his dark brown eyes and cold smile on his face. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Every sense in my body vanished as he etched closer to me, tauntingly.

"Haven't seen you in awhile," he said, his eyes piercing through mine, I had to look away. "How've you been?" his breath ghosted over my face and I pressed my back against the locker, moving my head to the side while I squeezed my eyes shut. "Answer me, dammit!" I snapped my eyes opened at the hatred in his voice and slowly looked in his eyes.

"What do you want?" I whispered helplessly, the vulnerability in my voice mirroring my body.

Suddenly, I was back there; he was on top of me, his lips roughly on mine, my screaming pleas echoing through my mind. I could feel my body start to shake and I dug my nails in the lockers, trying to leverage myself in one piece.

"I missed you," he breathed. "I remember our time together and I couldn't help but stay away from you, once I realized you went to this school. To think, we're even in the same class! That's fate I'll tell you," he chuckled, not even realizing what the situation was far from casual.

I stared at him, my words choked in my throat. I wanted to scream for help, I wanted to punch him, I wanted to cry and scream why he did this to me. But again, words failed to come out.

"So…." he drawled. "You want to hang out sometime. I know I would like that," he brought a hand up to my face and I wanted to burn my cheek once he touched it, his fingers imprinting on my skin.

"J-Just….leave me alone," I croaked, clenching my teeth together.

His eyes darkened and he slammed his hands on the locker, on either side of my head, making my heart jump up to my throat and freeze in fear. _He can't do anything. We're inside the school._ But the hallways were empty and the only thing I could hear was my ragged breathing.

"What are _you_ going to do about it? You gonna tell the teacher? As if anyone will believe you," he sneered, before stepping back and walking away.

I closed my eyes and wanted to be swallowed in a black hole. I need to be taken away from this. Anything to stop the suffering. I can't feel my legs, and I collapse onto the floor, my whole body given out. I stare at the row of lockers in front of me, wishing I could switch places with them. If I was an inanimate object, I wouldn't have to deal with any pain, or go through anything.

I close my eyes and stay on the floor, not caring that dirt was on my clothes, not caring that cold tiles were making my legs chilled. I finally push myself off the floor a few minutes later and my bag hangs loosely on my fingers as I shuffle down the hall.

I slowly walk out of the school and down the street. I had no clue where I was going but I knew it wasn't home. The sun is shining brightly and the sky is the colour of my eyes. The clouds are white and fluffy, looking like cotton candy. It's funny how the day is perfect, nothing outside seems out of place. But everything on the outside is opposite on how I am on the inside.

I cross the street without looking both ways and I hear a loud honking as a car almost pummels me. I look at the car and the driver gives me the finger. I stare at the hood before moving to the other side of the street; the park in view a few blocks away. The grass looks very appealing at the moment as the exhaustion kicks in. I drop to the ground, my body feeling heavy and shut down. I curl up and let my eyes flutter close, the dark consuming me at once.

.

.

The sounds of horns and cars rung through my ears. I blink open my eyes and realize I'm in the park, lying on the grass. My bones feel stiff as I sit up and take in my surroundings. The once blue sky was now black, no stars or moon out. I pick up my bag and head home. I didn't realize I slept that long, but it was much needed. I cross the road and start walking on the sidewalk, when it hit me:

_He was back._

Everything is destroyed. _Forget thinking that happiness would finds its way back to _your_ life. _My head starts to hurt and all I want to is go away. Go away form this place and not see anyone, again. I walk to my door and couldn't help but remember the time when I came home from _that _night. When I open the door, I find myself in the dark. No parents to be found.

_What a surprise._

I throw my bag against the wall and a loud _thump! _is heard as I walk inside the living room, my fists clenched. I turn on the lamp and see everything in the ordinary. Nothing out of place.

"SO, I wonder where you guys are?" I ask the air loudly, the shrill in my voice evident.

I grab a pillow and throw it across the room, hitting a lamp before plummeting to the ground.

"Don't worry about me, mom and dad, Clare is just doing FINE!" I push the coffee table over, the glass breaking on the other side.

I laugh harshly. "Oh, and I love that you care where I am! Its so nice to have loveable parents! Three cheers for YOU TWO!" I rip off the cross my dad gave to me when I was 8 and throw it up in the air, before it clinked on the floor.

I pick up a picture frame, a family portrait. All of us so perfect and happy. I could feel the tears well in my eyes, but my rage pushes the sadness away.

"One more thing, we have the best FUCKING family EVER!" I smash the picture frame and I hear the cracking as it goes face down on the floor. I start to breathe heavily, everything heightening my anger.

I walk into the kitchen and haphazardly go into the back cupboard in the kitchen. I pick up my dad's liquor-the one he only used on special occasions-before closing the cupboard. I stand up and unscrew the cap before chugging down the vile liquid. My throat burns and I pull the bottle away and start coughing violently. I walk out of the kitchen and out the door, the bottle still in my hands.


	13. Damage Done

**You guys are amazing. I'm so glad you like this story, because things are about to take a turn for the worse. I hope this chapter goes well.**

**WARNING WARNING WARNING: This chapter contains a very hard topic for people to endure, so please, read at your own risk. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

I brought the glass bottle to my lips and took another swig, the once burring sensation turned to a faint scratch in my throat. My vision was blurry and my feet were stumbling as I walked down the deserted street. The silence was unsettling, because its making my thoughts revive in my mind. I can't seem to escape the dread that consumed me when _he _came back. The alcohol was numbing me physically but emotionally, I was still thinking somewhat clearly.

I tripped over my feet and started to giggle on how silly I was being. I took another swig before realizing the bottle was empty. I throw the grass bottle on the ground, it smashes in a million pieces and the sound echoes through the air. I almost laugh at the irony of the situation. All those little broken pieces are mirroring every part in my body. Everything is broken and damaged beyond repair.

I go down the street and stop at my destination. Thankfully, there were no cars in the driveway except the hearse. I knock on the door but my hand slips as I try to steady myself.

He opened the door and he looked gorgeous as ever. He looked confused and shocked as to why I was here. "Clare, what are you doing here?" his voice matching his expression.

I stumbled in his house and wrapped my arms around as his neck as I pressed my lips to his. When he didn't respond, I pouted and pulled away. "What's the matter. Eli? I thought you wanted me," I said innocently as I placed my hand on his chest and used my fingers to crawl up his shirt.

He grabbed my wrist to stop me further and he analyzed my expression. "Have you been drinking?" his tone coloured in disbelief and anger.

I giggled and released myself from him before leaning up to his ear. "Just a little," I whispered before passing by him and running up the stairs. I entered his room and fell back on his bed as I felt my body tingle.

When he came up stairs, I hopped off the bed and jumped in his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. He caught my waist but the shock expression was evident on his face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and crashed my lips over his, I aggressively moved my lips over his but he pulled away and I saw his green eyes shine with pain and despair.

"Why are you doing this?" he whispered in a vulnerable voice I've never heard him speak in before.

"I'm just trying to be the perfect girlfriend," I shrugged as I dove in for another kiss, but he dodged it and placed me on my feet, making me lose my balance from the alcohol.

"This isn't you," he replied sternly. "I'll take you home."

"No!" I grabbed onto his shirt and I could feel the anger boiling inside. "Just let me stay. We can have fun together," I started to unzip my sweater and I saw his eyes widen at my action.

"Stop," he demanded.

I groaned in impatience and started to clench my teeth together as the tears welled in my eyes. "What! You don't want me, Eli?," the tears slipped from my eyes as my voice cracked. "It's not like I'm giving anything away! It's just sex!" I screamed as the sobs broke through my chest.

He watched me with sorrowful eyes as everything exploded.

"It doesn't matter if it gets taken away from you! Its not a BIG DEAL!" I felt him wrap his arms around me but my tiny fists punched at his chest. "No! No! I don't want to….please…..NO! NO!" The sobs became too much as I clutched onto him and cried in his chest.

My legs were shaky and my head was buzzing as I collapsed, but Eli grabbed me and picked me up bridal style as I kept my eyes closed to stop the tears from falling.

He placed me on his bed and I felt a wave of comfort at once as I face his window with my hand resting under my head while the other clutched his bed sheet. I felt the bed shift and could feel a body close to mine, but not exactly touching.

My cheeks were tear stained and my eyes were burning and my throat was scratchy, but I couldn't control the words that slipped out of my mouth,

"I was raped."

.

.

_We entered a huge room at the end of the hall, a room only a Coyne could afford. The huge King sized bed looked inviting, so I fell backwards, feeling the soft comforter beneath me. Reese closed the door and laughed at my behaviour. He walked over and took a seat at the edge of the bed._

"_So," he started as I sat up at the edge of the bed beside him. "I officially think we detoured all 20 bedrooms," we both laughed._

"_Yeah," I agreed. "I really like this one." I looked around at the different colours displaying on the walls and dressers. The feel to this room felt warm and safe._

"_Clare," Reese said, pulling me out of my daze. "I think you're great. Really, really great."_

_I smiled softly and placed my hand over his. "I think you're great too, Reese. I don't think I've had this much fun out of my entire summer."_

_He smiled in return and removed his hand from mine to place it on my knee. "We can have a lot more fun, now that we're alone," he caressed my knee and I suddenly felt really uncomfortable._

"_Fun?" I squeaked. "Whoa, what are you doing?" I moved his hand away as he itched it up higher. _

"_What?" he feigned innocence. "I like you, you like me. I thought it was pretty self explanatory." He leaned in for a kiss but I tilted my head away just in time._

"_Reese, I'm not that kind of girl. I meant I like you as a friend. I barely know you… I think we should go back downstairs before…" I stood up but he placed a hand over my stomach, and pushed me back on the bed._

_I felt fear overtake my body as I pushed myself backwards towards the headboard when he climbed over to me. His face was menacing and not the funny guy I met hours ago. His brown eyes were more mud coloured then chocolate and he was giving me the coldest smile, showing his sharp, white, teeth._

"_You need to understand something, Clare," he pinned my wrists above my head as his weight pressed onto mine. "You don't tease a guy, and think you could get away with it."_

_I shook my head violently as the tears stung at the back of my eyes. "I-I wasn't. Please, Reese…..don't do….this."_

_He laughed harshly before roughly crashing his lips over mine. I screamed into his mouth and tried to kick my legs to break free. His grip on my wrists became bruising and I couldn't pull away from his demanding lips._

_He pulled away and trailed his lips down my neck, leaving sloppy kisses that made my stomach sick. _

_The tears were falling and I tried to convince myself that this was a nightmare. A nightmare that I would wake up from any second. But reality snapped back to me when I felt his hands release my wrists and yank down my skirt._

"_HELP! PLEASE-"_

_Reese clamped his hand over my mouth and I pleaded with my eyes for him to let me go. But I heard his belt buckle hit the floor and a tearing of a wrapper as I squeezed my eyes shut. No. This isn't happening. _

_But it was._

_The next thing I felt, was the searing and tortuous pain that shook my whole body. The scream that fell from my lips must've been the most blood curling one I've ever used, but it was drowned out by the loud music booming downstairs. _

_I kept my eyes closed and my body still as he destroyed me. Destroyed my body and mind. I didn't jerk at his inappropriate kisses, or his fondling hands as he panted against my skin. I was beyond limp to do anything. _

_When he was finished, he left me there, exposed and broken. I laid there, in the same position for awhile. I had to make sure that he was gone. I opened my eyes and suddenly hated the room I was in. I grabbed my skirt and underwear and quickly put them on before running out of the house. I didn't care if anyone noticed._

_The damage was done._


	14. Save

**Hey guys, I was going to update earlier, but things got in the way. But, here is the next chapter. Thank you so much for the reviews. This story is almost finished but I thank every single one of you who read. Enjoy.**

**Degrassi: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

My mind was starting to grab coherent thoughts as my eyes started to flutter. I shifted but the small wince from my head stopped me further. I opened my eyes and was welcomed with a window with black curtains on either side with the sun glaring towards me. I looked around and saw the many posters on the walls and the wooden dresser. I looked down at the bed sheets and felt the soft black satin ones instead of my own. Then I remembered.

I was in Eli's room.

Last night weighed in my brain and I could feel the throbbing in my head grow worse. I was here because I was drunk. I vaguely remember coming here, but I do remember the events I did; throwing myself at him, I broke down, I told him.

Oh god, I told him.

That was the first time I said those words out loud. Heck, I didn't even say them in my mind. It would become real if I did. Now, that I have, and it does feel real. Too real for me to handle. But, I guess that everything feels different, right? Now that I told someone? No, it doesn't. It doesn't feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't feel anything.

I wasn't going to tell anyone. It was never supposed to affect anyone else's lives. I was supposed to forget that it ever happened and move on with my life. But here I was, in Eli's bed, after barging into his _own _house. I told him. I am so stupid. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Now, that I've admitted it to him, I just want to go away and never see him again. I've cause more damage as it is.

I don't want to face him. Its too soon and what if he reacts the wrong way. What even is the wrong way to react? I didn't know. But I did know that the faster I confronted him, the quicker I could leave.

I turn around slowly so my headache won't increases its pounding and I'm greeted with a pair of bright green eyes. His body position is mirroring mine and we don't say anything for a few minutes. His soft breathing echoing on my lips feels relaxing but not exactly comforting. His eyes stare at me intently, as if he was searching through my soul. There is no anger or sadness in them. But there is warmth.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, crashing the silence that was fallen upon us.

"For what," he asked softly, no part of his body moved except for his lips.

"For telling you…I don't know why I did," I admitted as an afterthought.

"You finally told me. That's all I care about," he murmured soothingly.

I narrow my eyes slightly, ignoring the pulsing in my head, as I analyze his expression. His face is relaxed and unreadable. He gives me a gentle smile that makes my eyes widen.

"You knew," I choked disbelievingly.

"Not exactly…" he trailed off. "But I knew _something _happened. And if I pushed you to tell me, you would've never opened up."

"So, you talked to me all this time because you felt sorry for me," I didn't hide the anger in my voice. "Is that all I am to you? A pity case?"

He furrowed his eyebrows then shook his head.

"God, no, Clare. I became your friend because I wanted to figure you out. You're not like most girls, and I admire that. And when I said I liked you, I meant it."

I looked at the sincerity in his eyes and felt myself calm down and become comforted by his words. We stared into each others eyes for as long as I cold comprehend. It was as if everything around me froze and all I could think of, was him. All I could see, was him.

"Why didn't you tell anybody?" he asked abruptly, reattaching reality.

"What's the point?" I asked irritably.

His eye flashed and his fists clenched.

"Dammit, Clare. You need to tell someone," he demanded in a restrained voice.

I felt myself mirroring his anger as a warm sensation travelled through my body.

"No one needs to know anything," I gritted while sitting up hastily.

I turned away from him but was still on his bed. I felt the bed shift as half of his weight lifted off the bed and I could tell he was sitting as well.

"Clare, I know something happened. There was another reason why you came here, wasn't there?" his soft voice broke through my shield and my shoulders slumped in defeat as I took in a deep breath.

"He…came…to our school," I turned around to face him. "He goes there now, Eli."

Eli's expression turned deadly as his eyes darkened and his whole body shook angrily. His jaw was clenched and his shoulders were squared as his breathing became ragged. The whole sight scared me. It was as if he was revealing a side of him that was _purposely _hidden from the world.

My head started to pound even more then before as the situation was going too fast.

"Don't be mad," I pleaded helplessly.

"You don't know what I'll fucking do if I see him," he said in the scariest voice I've ever heard.

"You're not going to see him," I reassured, then realized it was a school day. "But we have school, Eli. We have to…"

Eli shook his head sharply before relaxing his posture.

"Don't worry about it. We'll go to school…later," his voice sounded secretive and I couldn't help the suspicion echoing through me.

"What's going on?" I asked but he merely shrugged.

I felt the headache splitting through and I had to lay back down before it grew worse. I closed my eyes and held my head to try and stop the rattling inside.

"I'll go get you some _Tylenol_," I heard Eli mutter and felt the bed shake as he got up.

I tried to push away stressful thoughts as I controlled my breathing. But everything that just happened went too fast. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to share my secret to the boy I liked while being drunk at his house.

I am such a mess.

Eli came shortly in after and gave me two _Tylenol _with a bottle of water.

"What do I do now," I said after swallowing the pills.

"_We_ are going to the school," Eli said while hopping off the bed.

I followed suit but was a little confused . I was still in the same clothes. I didn't have my bag here…I wasn't ready for school.

"I don't have my stuff…"

"We aren't going to class. You're going to Ms. Suave and going tell her," he stated solidly.

I shook my head violently and crossed my arms protectively.

"No."

"Clare," he said softly as he walked over to me.

I turned away from him and bit back the tears that welled up in my eyes. I felt a hand place on my shoulder but I cringed away; I didn't want to be touched at the moment.

"You have to tell someone. It will help," he pleaded.

"You don't understand," I closed my eyes when the tears rolled down my cheeks. I turned around and face his chest. "It happened months ago, Eli. It's too late."

"It's not too late, it never is."

I looked up at him and saw the determination and warmth clear in his eyes. That's when I realized; Elijah Goldsworthy wanted to save me.

And I want to let him.

I nodded slowly and Eli took that as a sign of agreement. He walked across the room and I noticed he was about to pick up his car keys.

"No," I said. "Can we walk?"

The last thing I needed was to be in a car when my headache just started to die down. I needed fresh air and away from my thoughts.

He nodded and we left his house; welcomed by the blazing sun when we were outside. The walk was silent but everything was pounding on the inside. I didn't know if I was ready or not to tell anyone else about this. I wasn't even sure telling Eli was a good thing. I wanted help, I really did, but I don't know how I feel about this drastic change to my life.

These past months consisted of closing off and staying alone. It was hell, but would it be weird if I said it was comforting as well?

I didn't know.

We make it to the school 20 minutes later. Class has already started, thankfully. I didn't want to bump into any people at all. Especially…._him. _We walked through the hallways, the silence starting to turn to tension. I almost clutch my stomach when we stop in front of Ms. Sauvé's door.

Eli looks at me and offers a small smile. He places out his hand and I stare at it. I slowly place my smaller hand into his and look up at him in fear. But he still has the same warmth in his eyes that pushes me to go through that door.

I pull my hand away and put my hand on the knob before looking back at him.

"I'll see you later," I said hopefully.

He smirked. "I'll be waiting."


	15. Have To

**Hey everyone! Another update; this chapter is taken place a few days after the last. And next chapter will be a transition once as well. Hope you enjoy. Thank you for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

This moment would never be prepared for. A person could only try to believe that everything will go smoother if they think it over and over that everything will be okay. It never works. Nothing will ever be okay. I lost that stability. It will never come back and now I have to figure out how I will tell my parents.

My parents finally found out what happened in the living room. I was in trouble, but I could care less at the moment. They needed to hear this.

I am so scared to find out how they will react. I don't care if its stupid to care what people think because in truth, everyone does care and I _especially _care what my parents will think. They haven't been fighting recently. The calm and quiet replaced their, loud, shattering, screams. I was grateful, but I knew it wasn't going to last.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, my eyes staring at my right hand shielding my left. If I don't look at them, I could avoid the looks on their faces. But I knew they were standing in front of the table, waiting. I would do anything to stall this awaiting conversation. This was too much to handle, but Ms. Suave insisted that this was part of healing stages. I beg to differ.

"That night…in the summer, the night when I came home soaked," I breathed in and out, my eyes still staring at my hands. "Something happened…"

I lifted my gaze to my parents. My mothers arms were crossed over her chest, and her eyebrows were scrunched up: a sign of comprehending. My father was beside her, but he was well 5 feet away. It made me stop and think how distant everything has become. We used to be a family, always beside one another, always caring. Now I feel like we're all complete strangers, living awkwardly under this house arrangement.

"I met this boy…and he-he-" The words wouldn't come out. I was trying to force them out but they were physically leaving me silent.

I moved my hand away from my left and heard the quiet gasp that escaped from my mothers lips. I looked at her but her gaze was on my bare finger on my left hand. She flickered her eyes to mine and realization and apprehension were clear in them. The tears were starting to fall and I had to look away. From the corner of my eyes, I saw my father into a rigid position. I couldn't help but feel that this was all my fault. The pain in my mothers eyes was unbearable. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, jumping out of my chair. "I'm sorry! Mom, I'm so, so, sorry, please I didn't…please…..believe me…I-I'm s-sorry." The tears were falling rapidly, and my body shook violently.

My mother shook her head at me, but I still pleaded that I was sorry. This was my fault. It was my fault that I was raped. Everything was. Nothing will make it better.

I grabbed my head roughly and the sobs broke through me. I fell to the ground and screamed. Everything was too painful. My chest hurt, my legs felt raw and it even hurt to breathe. My mom fell to the floor and held my head to her chest. I felt herself sobbing and I wrapped my arms around her. My father was on the floor before I knew it and he was rubbing my back soothingly.

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Shhh." My mother hushed.

The comfort from them was soothing, but everything was collapsing. Everything around me was destroying and I couldn't do anything to stop it. The exhaustion was kicking in with the tears and I found myself falling asleep. But it was okay to sleep for once, my parents were right here. They weren't letting me go.

.

.

"Clare, honey. Wake up."

I felt someone shaking me and I snapped my eyes opened immediately. I was lying in my bed and my mom was beside me, a sad smile on her face.

"What time is it? How did I get here?" My eyes scanned my room as I turned my body towards my mom.

It felt so weird to have my mom, casually, laying in bed with me. She was always conservative, even in her own home.

"You fell asleep downstairs, your father brought you up," she said softly.

I nodded before bringing my knees up to my chest. There was an uncomfortable silence between us afterwards and I was too afraid to break it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" my mom asked, hurt clear in her voice.

I looked down and held onto my knees tighter as I let out a shaky breath.

"I…I couldn't…It was my fault that this happened….I was so stupid…and you're always fighting with dad…and…I just didn't want to deal." I looked back up and my heart broke with the look my mom was giving me.

Tears were falling from her eyes and she was telling me how sorry she was. I wrapped my arms around her and felt her shake as sobs escaped her. We held each other for awhile; crying into each others shoulders. I was happy to have my mom again. I needed her.

"Where's dad?" I asked as we pulled apart.

My mom sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve before responding, "He went out…he'll be back."

As if on cue, I heard the door downstairs open. My mom and I got off the bed and went down stairs, but I stopped on the middle of the staircase when I saw who was at the door.

"Alli," I echoed in disbelief.

She was smiling at me and her brown eyes were filled with adoration with a hint of sadness. I ran down the stairs automatically and ran into her arms. She hugged me just as eagerly as I placed my head on her shoulder. I couldn't help another round of tears falling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I sobbed as I held onto her tighter, closing my eyes.

I missed Alli. I missed her so much it hurt to think about her. I wanted to talk to her, but too many memories of that night flashed in my mind when I saw her. I just couldn't. But I didn't understand why she forgave me so easily. I ignored her for months and treated her like garbage. I don't deserve to be her friend.

Alli patted my back as I started to shake.

"Clare, its okay, its okay," she whispered.

I pulled away and shook my head. "I was so awful to you-"

"Clare," she interrupted. I looked at her and she smiled as she wiped a tear from my face. "You're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend."

I smiled softly and still couldn't believe she was here.

"Plus," she muttered. "You think you could get rid of me that easily," she crossed her arms in mock threatening and winked.

We both laughed and I realized how mush I missed her. Only she can make me laugh in a complicated situation. Alli wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we went to the living room, where my parents were both seated - side by side - to my surprise.

Alli and I took a seat and faced my parents, who were looking at me with a serious look. I could feel myself becoming nervous and the panic was rising in my throat.

"Honey, we want to press charges," my mom said.

I gripped my legs and in a split second, Alli was holding my hand. I held onto her for dear life as my head started to spin.

"Can't we just forget about it?" I asked hopefully.

"Clare-bear," my dad said. "You know we can't do that."

"Yes, we can," I clipped, my eyes narrowing.

I felt Alli pull me towards her, the expression on her face was making me reconsider.

"This will help you. And it will stop him from doing this," Alli started to tear up and she looked away from me.

"Why are you crying?" I asked sadly.

"Its my fault that this happened, Clare. If I wouldn't have dragged you to that stupid party….If I wouldn't have run off with Johnny….I just," her shoulders shook and she cried helplessly.

"Its not your fault," I reassured. "Its _his _fault."

It wasn't my fault. I didn't want this. All this time I've been blaming myself….Not anymore. He needs to be stopped. For the sake of others in the future. I _need _to do this.

I hugged Alli tightly before turning back to my parents.

"We're going to press charges."


	16. Face Demons

**Hey everyone, thank you for the reviews and overall reading this story. It was a great story for me to write even though it held a difficult topic to discuss. This will probably be the second last chapter. I'm pretty sure the next one will be an epilogue. I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

I walked up the steps with my parents, but stopped and turned around to see _him _walking over. He didn't look the same whatsoever. He had on a black suit with a tie, a dangerous look on his face. I assumed, those were his parents walking behind him. They were holding each other close , the woman was tearing up and the man was trying to comfort her. I felt a pang of guilt go through me, but quickly pushed it away.

When I pressed charges in December, Reese was expelled from school and kept under surveillance at his home until the court day would come up. Now, it was the middle of May, and the day is finally here. I was grateful I haven't seen him since that day he confronted me at school, and I felt a little safe knowing a room full of people will be with me when the trial starts.

I felt a hand wrap around my shoulder and pull me close when Reese and his parents reached the steps. I didn't keep my eyes off Reese when he passed by. He was glaring at me, with a menacing look that _promised_ would get me back for what I was doing. 9 months ago I would've been petrified by his look. I would be petrified if I even saw him in a 10 foot radius within me. But not anymore.

And when I pulled from my fathers grasp and look down the stairs, I see the exact reason why I'm not scared anymore.

_Eli._

He has been with me every step of the way these past months since I pressed charges. He was caring, gentle and patient. The days when I would lash out on him for no reason, or I woke up screaming in his arms from the same nightmare, I thought he would leave. I thought he would tell me it was too much to handle and that he couldn't do it anymore. But, every time these things happened, he only held me tighter and told me he wasn't going anywhere.

He was truly amazing.

Over the course of our relationship, I fell in love with him. He was the only guy to make me feel things I've never felt. I can't stand to be away with him. He was the light at the end of the tunnel that I was desperately searching for. He was my saviour.

I look at my parents and they took that as a sign to leave. They tell me they'll wait inside for us before leaving.

My parents fighting has been decreasing more and more each time other the months, and I could tell they were slowly piecing their marriage back together. I was beyond happy for them, but I was also happy that they were there for me.

I smiled when Eli reached to me and pulled me in a hug.

He lightly kissed my lips before smiling softly at me; me still in his arms.

"The big day," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

I looked down and chuckled. "Yeah, the "big" day."

"And, are you nervous?" he asked, pushing my bangs away from my face.

"Yes," I admitted. It was a little nerve wracking but I had the support system that I needed with me. "But you're here."

"Of course," he stated. "I would never miss it."

I looked into his green eyes that I fell in love with and couldn't resist the urge to lean up and kiss him. I grabbed onto his hair to pull him closer but his lips were unresponsive for a moment from the unexpected attack. But soon enough, he responded eagerly to the kiss and wrapped his arms around me as the oxygen escaped from my lungs.

I pulled away and smiled at him.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you, too," he smiled.

I released from his hold but grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers before walking up the rest of the stairs.

.

.

"So, Mr. Hunter, do you know why you are here today?" asked his defence attorney.

The trial started 20 minutes ago, and I was sitting beside my attorney as Reese was being questioned. I was feeling very nervous and uncomfortable once it started and felt even more nervous when I looked over at the jury; realizing _they _will be deciding the verdict. My attorney, Casey Farad, told me we had a decent chance of winning, but for me not to get my hopes up.

Reese was sitting on the stand, his posture slouched and his expression held indifference. He hasn't glanced once at me and I was beyond grateful, but I knew he was fuming underneath.

"I am accused of sexually assaulting a girl," he said in a bored tone. "Or as other people call it: rape."

"Huh, Clare Edwards is it?" his attorney, Wanda Patterson, I think her name is, asked.

"Yeah, she's right there,' he pointed a finger at me but he still wouldn't look at me.

Wanda Patterson paced slowly in the courtroom as she had a contemplated look on her face.

"Did you rape Clare Edwards on August 13th 2010?"

I flinched at her professional tone. No emotion at all recognized.

"No, we had sex."

I clenched my fists at his rude way of putting it. It was like he could care less of what he did to me. And he is lying. He swore to tell the whole truth.

"I see," Wanda mused. "So, you are saying that Clare Edwards wanted to have intercourse with you?" her body was faced towards the jury, but the question was directed towards Reese.

"Oh, she wanted it," he chuckled and I felt my insides recoil.

I turned around, in search of Eli before I pass out. He was a couple rows down but I could see him clearly. I was worried when I saw the murderous glare he was shooting at Reese. Eli never saw Reese before, but he did strongly express his opinion on him and what he would do to him if he ever saw him. But Eli wouldn't do anything in court. I trusted him.

"Thank you, Mr, Hunter." Wanda looked at the judge. "No further questions your honour."

Wanda retreated back to her seat and Casey stood up, she gave me a small smile before walking over to the stand.

"Mr. Hunter, or do you prefer Reese?" Casey asked casually.

"Reese is good."

"Well, then, _Reese, _I suppose that you're a little upset that you are here today?"

"You could say that," his jaw clenched, and I knew he wanted to kill me right then.

"Well, you are accused of sexually assaulting my client. I would assume this isn't a subject to take light."

Reese glared at Casey but didn't make a move.

"Listen, I didn't do anything. Clare wanted it. She brought me up to the room," Reese lied nonchalantly.

I was tempted to object but I knew that was inappropriate and could hurt me.

"How old are you, Reese?" Casey asked abruptly.

"I turned 17 last month."

I felt so stupid all of the sudden. I didn't even know how old he was at the party. Everything went too fast. Our talks that I thought held meaning for a future friendship, I was too blind to realize how I barely knew him.

"My client was 15 years old when you two had intercourse. So, you are saying that a 15 year old girl wanted to have sex with a person she only knew for a few hours?"

"Objection, your honour!" Wanda yelled.

"Overruled. Mr. Hunter, answer the question," the judge demanded in a professional tone.

Reese shifted in his seat and looked around uncomfortably. He cleared his throat before giving a dull expression to Casey.

"Yes," he responded flatly.

"No further questions, your honour," Casey said before coming back to me.

Reese got off the stand and I closed my eyes, just wishing this day would be over.

"I would like to call Clare Edwards to the stand," Casey said, addressing it to the judge.

I snapped my eyes open and looked at Casey in alarm. I knew I was going on the stand, but I didn't know if I was ready.

Casey gave me a reassuring smile and I took in a deep breath before standing, smoothing the wrinkles out of my pencil skirt. I felt the silence through the air and all eyes on me as I walked over to the stand, keeping my head down at all costs. When I took a seat, I took in how many people were actually here: my parents were in the front row, holding each other while they looked lovingly at me; I looked at Eli, his expression soft and a small smile tugging at his lips, a smile that I only saw I smiled back and averted my eyes, but they landed on the one person I didn't want to see. This time, Reese was staring right at me, his lips curled up and his eyes deadly. I quickly looked away and fixated my gaze on Casey.

_You can do this, Clare._

"So, Clare, how are you today?" Casey asked me.

"Good," I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"Why don't you start off what happened that night?"

"Well, I went to a party with my friend, Alli. And we went separate ways after a while and then I met Reese. Reese and I talked for a while, I thought he was a nice guy, he was good company since I was left alone. I thought we could become friends." I glanced at Reese for a split second before continuing, "We dance dfor a while, then he suggested we tour the rooms upstairs because the house was huge. I agreed and once we finished, we went into this bedroom, and then he started to…._touch_…me. I told him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Then he pinned me down…and…_raped _me."

I looked up from my hands and just realized I admitted it to all these people.

"You didn't want to do it?" Casey asked.

I shook my head. "No, I didn't want to have sex with Reese."

Casey nodded. "I understand that you have religious beliefs, am I right?"

"Objection! How is this relevant?" Wanda interjected.

"I have a point, you honour," Casey replied calmly.

"Then get to it," the judge pushed.

"You are a Christian, and from what we've discussed, you were going to wait until you were married."

I looked at my bare finger and nodded. "Yes, I was going to wait until marriage."

Casey looked towards the jury.

"Clare Edwards is a bright and wonderful girl. A fifteen year old girl that did not expect to have her virginity taken away. That night, Clare Edwards was changed forever. And why would we let someone get away with this? Why should she have to suffer anymore? And for young women in the future? You decide, I hope you make the right choice."

Casey sat back down and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding once Wanda stood up. Her red hair resembled flames and her green eyes were glinting mischievously.

"Well, Clare Edwards, we already know about you, so why don't we get down to business," her voice sounded harsh like nails scratching on a blackboard.

I gulped. "Okay."

She gave me a quaint smile that did not make me feel any better.

"So, my client, assaulted you, you say?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Yes."

"You had no feelings at all for my client? You didn't initiate anything?" she arched an eyebrow and I felt appalled by what she was insinuating.

"I told him to stop," I gritted. "I had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever."

"Hmm," she pursed her lips and gave a calculating look that was making me angry. "If you didn't want to do anything, why go upstairs?"

I gave her an incredulous look. "I thought we were just going to hang out. I didn't know what his intentions would be."

"Okay, so you go upstairs with a boy, alone, and you had no idea that there would be physical action lead by that."

I shot her a dirty look. "I didn't know that it was normal nowadays for teenagers to have underage sex."

Wanda looked away and I inwardly smiled.

"But if my client enhanced a move on you, why didn't you pull away?"

My lips parted in shock. "I did! I suggested we go back downstairs but he pushed me down on the bed. Then he started to…attack me."

"Attack you?" Wanda echoed as if I didn't know what the words meant.

"_Yes._"

"I understand that you have a boyfriend."

"Objection, relevance?" Casey yelled.

"Your honour, I will explain in a moment," Wanda said.

The judge nodded and sat back.

"Yes, I have a boyfriend." I looked over to Eli, whom was still staring at me with the same adoration he has been for months. I felt my heart flutter at the thought and my cheeks heat up.

"How cute," Wanda said sardonically, making me glare at her. "Now, if you have a boyfriend, months after your "supposed" rape. I guess you two have gotten far."

The farthest I've gotten with Eli was a kissing on his bed, but he was always careful with me.

"We kissed and I don't understand what my boyfriend has to do with this," I replied with a hint of irritation.

"If you were raped, wouldn't you need more time to get over -"

"You _don't _get over it," I snapped. "You never do. So don't tell me how it is. You don't anything about it."

Wanda looked taken aback but crossed her arms and held a look of indifference in a split second.

"What I'm trying to say Clare Edwards, is if you had _any _sexual experience before or after my client?"

I saw Casey about to object but I said, "That night was my only experience. I did not wish to lose my virginity with a guy I only met hours before. So, no…I never had sex before or after. I was raped."

Everything felt surreal afterwards. Wanda was finished questioning me and the whole courtroom went for a recess.

"You did amazing," Eli cooed as he pulled me in an embrace.

I placed my head on his shoulder, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't comprehend anything at the moment and before I knew it, we were back in the courtroom, waiting for the verdict.

We all raised when the judge entered and the jury shuffled in one by one afterwards. I felt Casey grab my hand as she must've noticed my ragged breathing.

"Did you reach the verdict," The judge directed towards the jury.

A middle aged man stood up with a piece of paper. "We have your honour."

I stared intently as the man opened the piece of paper and glued his eyes to the hidden words. The whole room went silent as the tension thickened.

"We find the defendant…"

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**I know, cliffhanger...what do you think it was?**


	17. Epliogue: Light

**So, this is the epilogue. Thank you for reading this story of mine, I personally thought it was difficult to write but it turned out well. This is another transitioned chapter, and I want everyone to understand that I tried my best to make this realistic as possible. So, please keep that in mind when you read this. Thank you, again, for the support.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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**Epilogue**

I stared blankly through the window; the rain pelting on the ground, causing a soft trickling sound. My knee was pulled up to my chest while the other leg was dangling off my chair; my whole body and mind too numb to move. Everything seems easier when you just ignore it.

I closed my eyes shut when it returned back to my mind. It popped out of nowhere at times. I could be doing something completely regular, and it would show up, replaying over and over in my mind. I knew that my time to sulk over this has been long overdue, but I can't get rid of it. It haunts me.

I haven't spoken in two months. Everything was too much to handle. I had to isolate myself from everyone. That includes my parents, Alli and Adam. Even…Eli.

_We find the defendant….guilty. _

_But, he is a minor._

_There was no evidence._

_Juvenile facility for two years._

_Case closed._

I shook my head in attempt to empty those words flooding through my mind. I was supposed to be happy, right? I technically won. But why do I still feel the dread filled in my stomach? How come I can't be around anyone without silencing my lips? I didn't know.

Maybe I felt guilty for putting this off. If I would've confessed sooner…._There was no evidence. _I felt a sharp pain go through my heart and I had to gasp for breath. Just because he used a condom….Everything suddenly disappears. As if nothing happened to me? Oh, but he still got two years in juvenile facility held for teens. That's great. _Yeah right._

Shuffling and the sound of the door downstairs didn't surprise me. I've been getting 'visits' everyday but the visits always ended in the same result: I wouldn't say anything and wait for whomever came to see me that day to leave. It was always hard to resist when Eli was here. He would at least come once a day and try to comfort me, but I refuse, silently, each time. I wanted to talk to him and let him hold me in his arms, but I couldn't feel it to be the right moment.

The door knocks softly and I hear the door creak open before it closes. I don't take my eyes off the window as I feel the presence walk over to me.

"Clare."

I close my eyes once more when I hear Eli's soft voice echo through the room. I take in a deep breath and fix my hoody as I wrap my arm around my bent leg.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and I didn't pull away. I heard him sigh softly as he rubbed soothing circles. After a few moments, he walked over until he was facing me. I didn't look at him but I wanted to, desperately.

"Why don't we go out today? For a drive?"

I finally moved my gaze to his green eyes and could've swore I fell in love, again. They were the same shade of green that always held adoration when I looked in them. Adoration that was reserved for _me_.

I placed my leg on the floor and slowly ascended; Eli smiling softly at me. I walked to my closet and picked out a pair of black flats before slipping them on. I took in my wardrobe: a blue sweatshirt, gray track pants, while Eli had on his regular black skinny jeans, black v neck and gray button down over top. I felt underdressed but didn't care to dress up.

Eli followed me as we descended downstairs and I vaguely heard Eli tell my parents we were going out as I walked out the door. The rain was still pouring and I felt my curls flatten to my face as I walked to the hearse.

The ride was silent the whole time. I kept myself slouched as I crossed my arms; the only protectiveness I can feel. When Eli parked the car, I wasn't surprised that we ended up at the park. It reminded me of the day I left school with him.

I got out of the car and went straight to the bench that we occupied that day; the rain starting to make me shiver.

_Prove it. Scream. At the top of your lungs._

I smiled softly as the memory flooded through my mind and a warm feeling went through me.

I looked at Eli as he sat down beside me, his posture at ease and calm. I wanted to know why we were here? Why was he doing this?

"What are we doing here?" I whispered, my voice sounding different after being a mute for months.

"You're going to scream," he said nonchalantly, a smirk tugging at his lips; his hair sticking to his forehead from the rain.

_Can you say déjà vu?_

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"When we first came here, you screamed. You let out every single thing you were feeling in that one high pitched scream and I know you have your emotions bottled up. You need to let it out."

I shook my head and stood up hastily. "You don't know what's going on with me," I snapped.

"You're right," he agreed, standing up. "I don't. So, tell me! Just let go."

"Let go," I echoed, anger bubbling in my throat. "You want me to let go for the fact that my rapist barely got what he deserved because there was no evidence?"

He nodded calmly. "Yes, Clare. Tell me. Let someone know!" he screamed looking out towards the park with his arms extended.

The rain pelted harder on us, we were both soaked from head to toe. My curls were plastered to my face. My clothes were sticking to my body, but that was the least of my worries.

"Its not that simple," I said lowly.

"Yes, it is," he hissed. "Watch."

Eli closed his eyes and let out the loudest scream I've ever heard from anyone. I heard the birds flop away and the noise bounce of the trees before he ended it abruptly; silence deafening the air afterwards.

He looked over at me expectantly; an eyebrow raised.

"I can't…." I said.

"Yes, you can. How does it feel?" he bellowed, trying to work me up.

_There was no evidence._

_Oh, she wanted it._

_I told him to stop._

_As if anyone will believe you._

_It doesn't matter if it gets taken away from you!_

_You have to tell someone._

_Clare is just doing FINE!_

My body started to shake as the voices overlapped inside my mind. The anger and sadness was eating away the emptiness and dread and I found myself on the verge of combustion.

"STOP!" I exploded, clutching my hair roughly and closing my eyes. "YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I HATE YOU!"

I closed my mouth after taking my anger towards the air; my body felt weak after the outburst, I was going to collapse. I fell to the ground on my knees and sobbed viciously as I clutched the wet earth in my hands. Eli wrapped his arms around me but I just kept my eyes closed and sobbed.

"Eli…." I asked hoarsely, as my sobs died to tears and my body stopped shaking. "Will it ever get better?"

He nodded. "I promise you, it will."

He lifted ourselves to our feet; we were still soaked but the rain was gone and I could feel the atmosphere lighten.

"How do you know?" I held onto him as I analysed his expressions hopefully.

Eli didn't say anything for a few moments. He placed one hand over my bangs and pushed them away from my face before smiling. He leaned down and I closed my eyes as he captured my lips in a sweet kiss.

"Because _you _are strong."

I felt my heart swell, and my chest tighten as I took in his words. I was put through a lot and I was still alive. But I knew it wasn't all because of me…it was mostly him.

I hugged him before looking up at the sky; the clouds were gone and the sun was shining brightly. The light I was desperately searching for was shining down on _me. _I was going to leave the darkness and emptiness and step out. Step out to the world.

I looked back to Eli with a warm smile on my face.

"I also have you."

**END.**

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**I hope everyone was satisfied with the ending - and did not disappoint. Again, thank you so much for the feedback. You guys are amazing. Much love.**


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